Choices - A Buffy/Angel Saga
by Angel's girl
Summary: Something is hunting Buffy and Angel comes to help. Will Buffy and Riley survive it? *This story is now complete*
1. Default Chapter

C H O I C E S - A Buffy/Angel Saga Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing 

Spoiler: I don't think so

Dedication: This story in its entirety is dedicated to Ashleigh who kept asking for more. 

Feedback: Do I really have to ask cuz I'll beg if necessary

**AUTHORS NOTE**:WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.

C H O I C E S 

by Angel's Girl

Chapter One - Enemies

Buffy stood leaning against the window at the Magic Box. She seemed to be staring at something and yet at the same time her gaze was unfocused and she had a far away look in her eyes. Buffy was completely detached from what was going on around her. A lot had happened over the past twenty-four hours and she was trying to absorb it all and trying to make sense of any of it.

Willow glanced up from the book she had in her hands. She had caught Buffy in the corner of her eye and something about her really made Willow stop and look at her friend. She saw Buffy standing in the corner staring out the window with such a look of pained despair on her face and her heart felt heavy for her friend. She wished that for just one moment Buffy could have the happy peace she so richly deserved. 

All around the Magic Box the Slayerettes had assumed the research position. Xander and Anya curled up on a love seat with two stacks of books at their feet, the pile they had gone through and the pile they had yet to read. Giles was leaning on the cash counter his face expressing the seriousness in which he was regarding the recent turn of events. Tara was sitting at the table along with Willow and Dawn, an assortment of books strewn across the tabletop. Even Spike was curled up in a corner with a mug-o-blood and a book or two.

However Buffy was unable to concentrate. The group couldn't help but notice that Buffy would sit somewhere and pick up a book, her mouth in a tight line of feigned concentration. She would flip the pages and then put the book down, find a new book and a new place to read it and again in a moment or two she would put that book down and start all over again. Finally she had given in and sighed in defeat and had taken up post at the window.

Buffy was extremely troubled by the attack on her that had prompted today's research party. She had been out on her regular patrol and there had been nothing out of the ordinary. She had already dusted four vamps and was feeling the adrenaline when suddenly out of nowhere something kicked her…hard.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy had been sent sprawling across the cemetery and had she not had the Slayer reflexes she would have landed on her face instead of rolling into her fall and coming up into a fighting stance, palming her stake at the same time. She glanced around trying to determine what had happened but the cemetery was deserted, dead quiet.

Buffy slowly stood straight again but was still wary. She was certain she hadn't tripped and in fact scanned the ground to reassure herself of that. She took a few steps and a cold wind passed by her. In that instant she knew something was here although it bothered her that her spidey-sense hadn't picked up on it. That little fact had more than bothered her, it creeped her right out.

"Slayer."

That one word sent shivers rippling up Buffy's spine. She had never heard something that made her blood run cold before but she knew instinctually that if evil had a sound, if it could make a sound then this…this was it.

Buffy whirled in the direction of the voice that floated on the air but still nothing. This was seriously pissing Buffy off.

"Where are you?" Buffy murmured to herself.

"Right here."

Came her reply, although it came in the form of a right uppercut to Buffy's jaw that was powerful enough to knock Buffy almost a good ten feet and crashing into a gravestone. Buffy sprung to her feet and brushed the bits of rock from the decimated headstone from her pants and breathed an apology to the family of the deceased.

"What is this? Huh? Show yourself or are you afraid that if I can see you I'll kill you?"

Buffy could have sworn she heard maniacal laughter float all around her, seemingly surrounding her.

"You can't kill me Slayer." The voice breathed but this time Buffy could pinpoint the direction and without turning towards it Buffy shot her arm out and back.

"Yeah well that's original. Like that's the first time I've ever heard that before, like right before I kill them."

Buffy's blow had been blocked and her arm twisted behind her and then she was lifted and held stationary mid air a moment.

"Yes well it will be the last."

The…whatever it was spoke again this time she could feel its breath caress her ear.

"Now is not the time Slayer but soon. First I will defeat your champion, the one who guards your heart with his own and then you will be mine. I will destroy him. I will feast on his soul and deliver upon him all the trials of Hell tenfold. Then I will feast upon you. Your screams of agony will be music. Your fear will be a delicious feast. Your death will bring my freedom, my reign upon this plain. You and your warrior will buy my freedom and will satiate my hunger for at least a century because of its exquisiteness."

Still suspended in air Buffy felt the entity lave the side of her face with his cold slimy tongue. He traced a line from her jaw up to her ear.

"Oh yes a tasty treat indeed." It crooned in her ear.

Then Buffy was violently thrown through the air again. This time she came to land against the side of a nearby crypt. The last thing Buffy remembered was the feel of blood oozing out of her mouth lubricating the side of her face as she slide down to the ground along the cool hard marble surface, falling, tumbling, crashing into the dark oblivion of unconsciousness.

A figure stepped out of the shadows having seemingly just emerged from the crypt in question. He was right pissed and was ready to have a go at whatever or whoever had dared to disturb him. He came round the corner and his eyes came to rest of the still bloody mess slumped on the ground.

He relaxed his stance and crouched down beside the human and then pushed the matted bloody hair away from their face.

"Bloody hell." He cursed before scooping the limp Slayer into his arms and heading in towards town.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy was pulled from her reverie by a pair of arms that encircled Buffy's waist that meant to comfort but they did anything but and she immediately tensed and pulled away. She turned and found herself looking into the hurt gaze of her boyfriend Riley. He pulled his arms back and took a defensive step back as he felt another piece of his heart get stripped away.

"I'm sorry I..." He stammered over his hurt trying not to let it show.

Buffy knew Riley meant well but she just didn't want the comfort he wanted to give her that he seemed to need to give her. She just desperately wanted to know what she was up against, kill it and then and only then would she allow herself comfort.

"I'm just not in the mood to be held right now, okay?" 

Riley nodded at Buffy's attempt to placate him. He knew in his heart of hearts that if it had been a certain someone else to have pulled her into his embrace then she would have gladly turned into it, reveling in the comfort and safety his arms would undoubtedly provide.

Riley pushed those thoughts down. Buffy was with him physically and that had to count for something right?

Buffy took a deep breath and turned her attentions back to the group of people, her family, who had been diligently searching for something about the thing that attacked Buffy.

"So have we found out anything?"

At Buffy's question she couldn't help but notice how quiet and somber the room got.

"What is it that bad? Come on guys someone say something."

Giles broke the silence when he removed his glasses and began to methodically clean the immaculate lenses. Seeing that Buffy's heart both sank and found its way up into her throat. That seemingly meaningless gesture always seemed to foretell the bringing of apocalyptic doom.

"We uh that is I have just spoken with Wesley and it would seem that Angel has had a similar encounter that you had. Including the same cryptic message."

Giles allowed that bit to sink in a moment before continuing.

"It would seem that Angel has been targeted as the warrior that your attacker mentioned."

Tears welled up in Buffy's eyes and suddenly she found that her legs wouldn't hold her. She slumped to the ground and tried in vain to understand. 

The thing had said that first the warrior that guards her heart, which protects her, her champion, will fall and then it would come after her. She, along with every one else had automatically assumed it was Riley because they were a couple but then Angel was attacked.

"I don't understand why Angel would be attacked? What does he have to do with this?" Riley asked.

Before anyone had a chance to think about it let alone respond a sarcastic snort emanated from the corner that Spike was occupying.

"Oh come on now don't tell me that you are all that daft."

Spike ventured forward trying to hide the pure pleasure he was getting from being able to stick it to GI Jerk. He looked around the room at the confused faces although he could tell that Buffy knew and red, she knew, she had made the connection but neither lady was sharing so Spike thought he would do the honors. He acted like it was a hassle but he was loving it.

"Bloody hell, all right. This thing that attacked Buffy said it needed to get past he who guarded Buffy's heart, who protected it and you honestly believe for one moment that its captain whiney over here. No children he may be the stand in replacement but there is, has and probably ever will be one 'warrior' of Buffy's heart and that would be Angel."

"I d-don't understand." Riley stammered.

"You wouldn't. Hell Buffy and the rest of you Scooby's can't even seem to wrap your little heads around it either that or you are all in major denial. First off they are bonded by the little love nip Angel gave Buffy on her neck there. Buffy willingly gave Angel blood to save his life and it almost cost her, her own life being that price and the fact that they were in love and she was the Slayer and Angel a Master Vampire made it a significant sacrifice"

Spike came out of his corner and began to walk amongst the small group taking in their pained and shocked faces with barely restrained pleasure, especially Riley's.

"Secondly of course is Buffy's ring."

Buffy looked up at Spike, "My cladaugh? What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well in Peaches' day when two people exchanged those rings in particular it meant…"

"That they belong to each other but we aren't together so."

"It goes deeper than that Blondie. In Angel's time that was a wedding band. It means that you're his wife."

There was a moment of absolute silence that settled in the room.

"WHAT?" Giles, Xander, Willow, Buffy and Riley all said in unison.

Spike was barely able to control the smug look of satisfaction at Riley's paling to his words. In fact Riley stumbled back away from Buffy and tripped on the step landing him on his ass on the floor.

"Buffy's married…to Angel?" Willow asked although not to anyone in particular.

"This is unprecedented. I uh I…I need to consult my books." Giles mumbled.

"So you mean to tell me that he slips that ring on her finger without telling her its full meaning and presto chango he and Buffy are Mr. and Mrs. Deadboy?" Quipped Xander.

"According to the customs of 18th century Ireland yes."

"Well this isn't the 18th century and it sure as hell isn't Ireland." Riley snapped.

Buffy had sitting in a stunned silence remembering the day that Angel had slipped it on her hand and everything that had happened since. After having to deal with Angelus and then sending a newly ensouled Angel to hell to stop Acathla and then having Angel come back only to have him move to Los Angeles and now to find out that he had in essence married her. Angel had married her.

"It almost makes it worth it." She murmured.

"WHAT?"

Buffy was taken aback at both Xander and Riley shouting in her direction. She hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"What the Hell do you mean by that? Huh, that it almost makes it worth it? Are you saying you want to be his wife?"

Riley was upset before but he was bordering on hysterical now.

Spike had sat himself up on the counter with his mug of o-pos quite content with his front row seat for the showdown. All they needed was the final players. With that thought, almost as if by thinking of him Spike had made him appear the bell over the door to the magic shop sounded announcing the presence of the Los Angeles crew.

All eyes turned to Angel as he stepped into the middle of the fray. Spike sat back and rubbed his hands together.

"Oh goody let the heads I mean good times roll."

Cordy and Wesley could fell the tension in the room but Angel could smell the rage and jealousy and fear that permeated his senses radiating off of just about everyone in the room, everyone except Buffy. Riley could barely keep himself from attacking Angel and Angel could tell from the looks on the faces of the Slayerettes that they had just walked into the middle of something big, something that had to do with him and most likely Buffy.

He searched out Buffy hoping to gage what exactly they had just walked into. Buffy looked at Angel for a brief moment and then she headed into the back training room. Something in her eyes beckoned him and it was an immediate decision on Angel's part to follow her but someone held him back. A hand had been firmly placed on Angel's shoulder and he pivoted just enough to see the hand belonged to.

Had it been Willow or Giles, Tara or Dawn he would have understood. Hell he could even have tolerated Xander laying a hand on him but when his eyes bore into those belonging to Riley he felt his blood boil. 

Angel had any number of reasons not to like soldier boy the least of which being his involvement with His mate. Angel stared at the offending hand and then followed the arms up to Riley's face. A growl resonated in his chest loudly enough for everyone in the room to take a noticeable step back away from the pair. Although Angel hadn't morphed the demon within wasn't that far away from surfacing.

"I suggest you remove that if you intend on keeping it boy." Angel fairly snarled through clenched teeth.

"Leave Buffy alone."

"I said remove your hand or I will. Last chance."

Riley and Angel were still in a standoff that was about to get really ugly when suddenly Buffy was beside them. Riley's annoyance shot up a level when he noticed how Angel reacted to Buffy. Angel had stopped growling and relaxed visibly the instant Buffy had placed a gentle hand upon his other shoulder. She hadn't said a word but Angel seemed to understand and when she stepped back Riley watched with fascination and then absolute horror as Angel walked towards the back room and then Buffy followed. Riley made to give chase but Buffy stopped short and looked at him.

"I need to talk to Angel."

"Buffy…"

"Riley talk a walk and cool off. I need to talk to Angel right now. Deal with it."

"I don't want you alone with him."

"Riley at this particular moment in time I couldn't care less about what you want. I have enough shit on my plate to deal with without your childish games and insecurities."

"I think my insecurities are warranted Buffy after the bomb Spike dropped."

"Riley if you aren't here to help then go home. My life is on the line again. I can't worry about coddling you."

Angel couldn't help the self satisfied grin that crossed his face as he listened to Buffy and the child. The smile was effectively removed when Buffy walked into the room not a moment later and closed the door behind her.

Buffy looked at Angel her mind still reeling from what Spike had said although if it was true then the demon was right in thinking Angel was the guardian of her heart. Not that she disputed it anyways.

"We need to talk." 

From the look in Buffy's eyes this was going to be the mother of all conversations.


	2. Chapter 2 - Revelations

CHOICES - A Buffy Angel Saga Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing 

Spoiler: I don't think so

Dedication: To Ivy and Ashleigh who totally made my day! Thanks guys!

Feedback: Do I really have to ask cuz I'll beg if necessary

Author's Note: The Irish Angel whispers to Buffy is supposed to translate to my heart, my soul, my love.

**AUTHORS NOTE**:WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.

C H O I C E S 

By Angel's girl

Chapter Two – Revelations

The door sounded heavy as it clicked behind Buffy. She had looked up at Angel a moment and he could see so much in her eyes. Most of all he could see questions, questions that he knew he had better have answers for.

"We need to talk." Was what she had said.

There was no hello. No pleasantries had been exchanged. Something was weighing heavily on her mind and he knew that until that was out of the way everything else could wait. Fortunately Angel was the understanding type.

"Spike had the most interesting things to say about you." Buffy started.

However Angel's understanding fell short where Spike was concerned and suddenly Angel was tense, his mouth drawing down into a thin tight line. The mention of his errant childe running his mouth to Buffy about anything suddenly made him think about how long he had let the boy run wild.

"Did you want to know what he said or would you rather scowl?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want to know what he said or would you rather assume the worst and go pummel him now?"

"Sorry, please continue."

Buffy started to walk around the training room unsure of how to say this. I mean the implications were great and she really still hadn't grappled the whole concept yet and there was always the possibility that Angel never meant it that way.

"Giles said that you were attacked and that you have linked your attack to mine, as in you have been targeted as my…my hearts warrior. We were discussing how that was possible when I'm with…"

Buffy stopped before she said Riley's name because she wasn't sure how together they would be after this and she couldn't, wouldn't hurt Angel. Buffy lifted her gaze to Angel a moment and he offered her a small smile of thanks. She continued.

"Well anyway that's when Spike decided it was time to have a sharing moment. Funny though now that I think about it he always seems to have these revelations whenever the wrong ears are listening. Anyways his explanation as to why you have been targeted and not …Riley is because we are bonded. At least that is the first thing."

"Bonded?"

Buffy walked close to Angel and tilted her head slightly allowing his mark to show clearly.

"When you did this he said you…you somehow bonded us. You have marked me thus the permanent scar. The only one I have. Although I believe we were bonded long before that. Your bite just strengthened it or proved its existence but it was always there."

Angel reached out his fingers without thinking and caressed his mark. The moment his cool fingers touched the rough skin of the scar it was like a jolt of electricity coursed through both Buffy and Angel. A tiny gasp slipped out of Buffy's mouth as she felt her womb contract releasing a rush of moisture between her thighs.

"God Buffy." Angel breathed.

"Angel." 

Buffy barely spoke above a whisper but Angel heard it loud and clear. He was about to lower his mouth to hers and in fact his lips were just a fraction of an inch away from hers if that. Buffy knew if she licked her lips she would inadvertently lick Angel's as well. Her tongue snaked out of her mouth the tiniest bit and she felt the coolness of his lips that burned straight through to the heart of her.

"You know that wasn't all Spike said." 

With the spell between them somewhat broken Angel pulled back to look Buffy in the eye.

"What else did he say?"

Buffy pulled back away from Angel and walked to where the punching bag hung from the ceiling. She placed a hand on either side of it and then rested her forehead against it.

"Buffy?"

"He said something about the gift you gave me for my seventeenth birthday." 

Both were silent a moment as they remembered the events of Buffy's seventeenth birthday.Buffy's birthday was a moment in time that's ecstasy rivaled and equaled its agony. An event that almost seemed like it had happened a lifetime ago instead of just five years. The emotions in the room were so intense they were almost a living thing.

"What about it?"

"Well according to Spike he said there was something more to the symbolism of the ring. He said…he said…" 

Buffy's voice had filled with tears as she tried to stumble over the words. She felt Angel's approach and turned just as he reached her side. 

"He said I was your…wife. However we all know how truthful Spike is not to mention how much he doesn't like…well you know so I uh…"

Angel slipped his fingers under Buffy's chin and had pulled her gaze up to his.

"According to the custom and law of my people we are married." He leaned in to her and whispered into her ear. "Mo craoi, mo anam, mo gra." 

The Gaelic just rolled off of Angel's tongue. It sounded so beautiful and Buffy knew she could spend an eternity just listening to Angel speak. However before Buffy could ask what he said the door to the training room burst open.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU"RE DOING?"

Riley's voice was filled with pure jealous rage and it caused Buffy jumped into Angel's embrace as the sound of Riley's shouting reverberated in her ears. Buffy saw the look Riley was giving the two of them and then they both realized why. Buffy stepped away from Angel and she could feel her soul cry out in agony.

"Riley what…what are you doing? Why are you in here?"

"Why the hell was she in your arms? Why were you so close to him?"

Buffy was flustered at having been caught so close to Angel. Buffy brushed past Riley as she headed out the door but Riley caught hold of her arm and yanked her back. This made Angel take a step forward and Buffy could hear the growl of anger and malice coming from Angel.

"Where do you think you're going?" Riley seethed.

Buffy looked him square in the eye and then looked at the arm he was holding. 

"I'm going on patrol."

Riley wasn't letting go and he was cutting off Buffy's circulation. Buffy again brought her gaze back up to Riley's.

"Riley you're hurting me."

"Well that's a switch."

Buffy wasn't sure what hurt more, Riley's grip on her arm or the cold tone of his voice.

"Riley let go."

"This isn't over Buffy."

"It never is."

Riley let go of his grip on Buffy's arm and Buffy slipped through the shop. 

"Buffy where are you going?" Giles inquired.

"Patrol, I need to work off some tension."

"And you can't train because…"

"Because all of Sunnydale's resident vamp population isn't going to come in and offer to be my sparring partner."

"No just one from LA does that." Riley muttered under his breath but his comment was not lost on Buffy or Spike for that matter.

"I would prefer you not patrol alone and before anyone suggests it, Angel is not a candidate because of the imminent threat to the both of you. It would be entirely to easy for whatever this thing is to attack when the two of you are out together."

"Fine." Buffy replied. She looked around the room and her eyes settled on someone standing beside the training room. Buffy stalked over to him.

Riley's eyes lost some of there angry glare as he watched Buffy head in his direction but it returned when she reached past him and grabbed Spike by the lapels and dragged him out of the Magic shop behind her. 

"Why Spike?" Riley asked unable to keep the hurt out of his voice. 

Spike looked smug standing behind Buffy as she pondered her answer.

"Because I care if you get killed in an attack. Him I don't."

Buffy was relieved to see the slight smile shimmer across Riley's face and then she turned to she the look of horror and hurt on Spike's. She ignored Spike's protests as she grabbed him in one hand and her Slayer bag of tricks in the other.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

For reasons he couldn't begin to fathom Spike followed Buffy as she headed out on what he knew was her regular route pattern. Hell he had stalked her often enough he could have walked it blindfolded.

Buffy was silent as she walked but her emotions radiated off of her like too much perfume so Spike decided to toss a bone out to see if she'd bite, metaphorically speaking.

"Bloody hell slayer that what you said back there hurt."

"Shut up Spike."

"I know I'm supposed to be a demon, evil and the whole lot but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings."

"Shut up Spike."

"God the whole lot of ya treat me like yesterday's garbage. I don't know why I even bother with you all."

Buffy stopped dead in her tracks and turned on Spike. It appeared she'd bit.

"Why do you hang around Spike huh? Is your life so pathetic that if you can't fucking fight me like the beast you really are then you'll settle for causing the emotional train wreck like you pulled back there."

"You know I was just telling the bloody truth and if Riley got the short end of the deal well then it's his own bleeding fault. He should know by now that he'll never take first place with you. No one ever will. It's Angel, it will always be Angel just like for him it will always be you. He proved that point when he put Mr. Pointy through Darla's back. He killed the one person who should have meant more to him then you and he did it for you as much as he did it for himself."

Buffy tried to absorb what Spike had said and at the same time she tried to block it out. Spike hung his shoulders his stance defeated as he lit a cigarette and took a long pull on it. God how he longed to feel the smoke he had just forced into his dead lungs.

"Look Buffy, it was important that you know. This demon or whatever is going to go after Angel. It means to destroy him because destroying him gives him a better chance at destroying you…I'm sorry if…"

"Don't, don't you dare. Don't you ever apologize to me you son of a bitch. "

Buffy was shaking and she couldn't stop the angry tears that cascaded down her cheeks. Spike mentally kicked himself as he watched the Slayer desperately try to contain her emotions but she was practically vibrating. In another time another place Spike would have been reveling in this. His demon would have been drinking this girls misery like he did blood but all Spike wanted to do was find a way to make her pain go away. 

"Don't you ever apologize to me. You aren't sorry. You're never sorry. You enjoyed what you did to Riley, to me."_ To Angel._

Without warning Buffy attacked Spike. Her blows were fast and furious and fueled by her anger, her hurt and her humiliation. Whatever she had been trying to grapple with before Spike's revelation it had just increased, ten-fold because of it.

Before Spike could do anything to stop her Buffy had staked Spike to a tree in the cemetery. She had used five stakes to hold him in place. In record time she had put one in each arm, one in each leg and one squarely in the chest.

Spike watched Buffy raise her arm to impale his chest and Buffy saw tears and pure unadulterated fear glint in his widened eyes.

"Buffy please, I don't I …"

Buffy paid him no mind as she sank the wood deep into his dead flesh, shuddering at the sucking sound it made as it penetrated through to the tree beneath him. Then Buffy turned and walked away from him. Buffy never looked back although part of her would have loved to have seen the look on Spikes face. 

Spike watched the retreating back of the Slayer with shock and then fear as he realized she wasn't coming back to undo him. Spike struggled futilely against his trappings but it was no use. The stakes had been imbedded deep so if someone didn't happen along and help him out soon he was going to fry in the morning light.

Spike looked around for someone, anyone to help him but then realization dawned on him. He was in a cemetery in Sunnydale during the middle of the night in Hellmouth country. No one in their right mind would be out before the sun came up.

"Slayer problems?"

Spike looked up to the owner of the voice hope gleaming in his eyes until he realized whom it was.

"Sod off Harris." Like he said no one in their right mind, which automatically excluded Xander from the party.

"All right then stay there all night see if I care." Xander reached into his pocket and pulled something out, which he then placed on Spike's face. "Here I think you may want these. Tomorrow is supposed to a unusually sunny day." Xander said as he pushed the sunglasses up the bridge of Spike's nose.

Xander began to walk away.

"Bloody hell…Harris wait. Get me down."

Xander put his hand to his ear. "I'm not hearing the magic words."

Spike gritted his teeth together. "Please."

"Nope the magic words would be and pay attention now. I will not harm Buffy because she was totally within her right to put me in my place and I am eternally thankful that she didn't drive a stake through my heart and be done with me.

"You've got to be kidding."

"No I'm not. Say it or I leave you here."

When Spike didn't say anything Xander again turned and walked away.

"Bloody Hell! All right I won't go after Buffy and I deserved it now will you please get me down."

Xander, having been satisfied, removed the stakes out of Spike and helped him down off of the tree. Spike stumbled to his feet and inspected his damage. 

"You going to be okay?"

"I'll live."

"Good then I'm gone."

"Hey Harris, how exactly did you happen to by here?" Spike asked as he rubbed his arms.

Xander held up his ringing cell phone.

"Hello? Yep. I did. No. I promised didn't I? Okay. You too. Bye."

"Well?" Spike prodded.

"Well Buffy called me and told me where I could find you. She also made me swear not to breathe a word of what she said or what I found to anyone."

"She did?"

"Yeah she did. She is majorly wigged by everything that is going on and you happened to be on the receiving end of a Slayer size temper tantrum but she is sorry if that counts for anything."

Spike said nothing and stood against the tree as he watched Xander get into his car and drive away.

"It counts for everything." Spike said when Xander was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy was feeling confused and guilty and she didn't want to face what was happening. Not the demon wanting to kill Angel and then her, not the inevitable blow out she was going to have with Riley, not Spike when he gets un-staked from the tree and not whatever it was that was happening between her and Angel.

When she was alone with Angel in the training room the pull that she felt drawing her to him was almost like she was possessed. It was stronger than she had ever felt before and that scared her. Some big time major bad mojo was going down and she felt absolutely powerless against it.

So it wasn't any big surprise when Buffy looked up and found herself standing in front of the mansion. She stared at it as if it might give her some understanding. She could feel Angel inside and he had opened the door the minute she had stopped in front of it, he had felt her too. Without a word she slipped inside and Angel closed the door behind them.

Neither one of them thought that this was the best of ideas yet both of them seemed powerless to do anything. All Buffy could do was sit and stare as Angel built a fire the way he had done countless nights before…

You don't know what you do when you look at me that way 

_You don't know how my heart breaks every time you say my name_

_You don't see all the tears that I cry in the dark_

_You don't hear how I pray that you're safe when we're apart_

_Every time we kiss you don't know how you steal a piece of my soul_

_ _

_You don't know how it feels to be the one who loves the most_

_How hard it is not to beg you to stay then watch you go_

_Oh, you say it's all in my head but to me it seems so real_

_No, you don't know how it feels_

_ _

(You Don't by Sara Evans)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Somewhere in the dark of night outside of the mansion, floating on the pre-dawn mist the sound of laughter could be heard except no one was listening.

~*~*~*~*~*


	3. Chapter 3 - Evil has a Name

CHOICES - A Buffy Angel Saga Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ramblings in my own head.

Spoilers: I don't think so but don't quote me.

Dedication: To everyone who sent a review! 

**AUTHORS NOTE**:WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 3 – Evil has a name

Wesley and Giles were still sitting at the Magic shop looking through the volumes of demonology looking for anything that might give them something to work with. The rest of the group had dispersed and gone home although they all had promised to be back first thing in the morning to continue the search. The two watchers however couldn't let it go.

Maybe it was because it was in their nature as Brits that spurred them on. Maybe it was their years of training as watchers that made them pick up book after book. However it was probably because Giles and Wesley were concerned for the people they had come to call friends that wouldn't let them abandon the search. Not that the others didn't see it in the same light after all they weren't chosen to be apart of this elite group because of a predetermined destiny to do so, they did it because of the friendships they had formed with Buffy and Angel.

Giles was settled in an overstuffed chair with a particularly dusty and thick volume in one hand and his cup of tea in the other. The room was silent other then the sound of pages turning and china tea cups touching against china saucers so when Wesley sounded with an exuberant "Eureka!" Giles naturally, in an attempt not to lose the tea or the tome, began a fumbling mess of limbs resulting in both tea and book landing unceremoniously on the floor.

"Good heavens man is it necessary to shout."

"Sorry its just that I think I have found out what it is we are dealing with."

Giles rose out of his chair and collected the wayward cup and book and then wandered over to Wesley who showed him the passage he had found.

Ha Nachash, the Barron of the seventh realm of Hell was trapped in the demon dimension several hundred thousand years ago. He was banished by the Lord for creating alliances with Diablos, the devil, to rule our earthly plain. It is said that Ha Nachash is very powerful and can materialize in our dimension but he cannot take on corporeal form unless he befalls a Slayer.

_ _

"So this Ha Nachash is going after Buffy and he needs to kill her in order to take corporeal form in our dimension?"

"Yes but it's more than that or else he would have gone after other slayers before Buffy."

The two began referencing books looking for more on Ha Nachash. Knowing what it was they were looking for made it just that much easier.

"I think I've found something. It says here that Ha Nachash only has one chance to escape from the demon dimesnsion. When the Slayer rises that defeats all that opposes her even defies the natural order, only then can Ha Nachash rise. He will break the Slayer's warrior, the one who defends her heart then her soul will be ripe for the taking. Ha Nachash will devour the Slayer's essence and then he can take corporeal form and reign destruction on our plain. He will pit her warrior against her having them destroy themselves. If she lives it will only in the physical, her emotional side will crumble allowing him, Ha Nachash, to destroy her. If she dies by her warrior's hands the Ha Nachash will then use the warrior's soul to…oh my."

"What is it Wesley?"

"It says that if Ha Nachash succeeds then he will be unstoppable and true armegeddon will ensue. Ha Nachash doesn't just want to destroy the human race he wants to destroy everything."

"Oh my god, Buffy's out on patrol alone. Where's Angel?"

"He said he was going to the mansion. You don't think…"

"We're on the Hellmouth man there is no time to think. Let's go."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy and Angel sat in the great room of the mansion. Buffy watched as Angel finished building the fire. She watched as the muscles in his back rippled beneath his thin tank shirt. She felt her heart rate pick up and the connection, the pull between them was almost overpowering. Angel turned to her and Buffy stood. They started to walk towards one another.

"I shouldn't be here." Buffy said.

"We shouldn't be alone." Angel replied.

"We're in danger here, like this." Buffy whispered.

"From so much more than each other." Angel breathed.

Angel and Buffy were standing inched away from each other and Angel was leaning down to kiss her when Buffy thought she heard laughter. Angel pulled her to him and she forgot about it as his mouth claimed hers.

Buffy cried out as the intensity of the moment coursed through her. She fisted her hands into his soft dark hair and plunged her tongue into his waiting mouth. 

'So long, god it has been so long since I have held him like this since I have tasted his kiss.' Buffy thought.

Buffy marveled at how the slightest touch from her warmed him so. She could almost forget he was a vampire. Angel's fangs lengthened and brushed her neck. The feel of his teeth scraping along her jugular brought her right back to reality.

It was only a minute or two more before clothing started to come off and again Buffy heard the laughter. She pushed back away from Angel.

"Angel no this is wrong."

Angel was lost in a trance. Buffy could see it in his shining yellow eyes. Something flashed in her mind. Something was telling her to get away. And there was that familiar laughter. She knew that laugh, that noise but what was it? Realization hit in a moment of clarity and her mouth turned up in a smirk.

So delighted with a new understanding.

Something about a little evil that makes that unmistakable noise I was hearing.

Unmistakable sound I know so well. (1)

Buffy tried to move away from Angel. Her mind had fogged again, clouded by passion and something else she couldn't pinpoint, couldn't put her finger on. She didn't want to hurt him but she was confused and scared as hell.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel felt disjointed, like he was in his body but not controlling his actions. It was if Angelus was at the fore but he knew that he hadn't lost his soul. It was eerie. 

Buffy was in front of him and he wanted nothing more than to bury himself inside of her. He wanted to get lost in her warmth and for the briefest of moments she was melting into his embrace but then she pulled away. He couldn't understand why she was pushing him away and then he heard it. Laughter but it wasn't coming from Buffy or himself and for a silver of a moment he knew it was the demon that was after them.

He wanted to warn her, he wanted to run but something kept fogging his mind and it was like he couldn't remember anything but the burning need to be deep within Buffy.

He was fighting to keep control and he was scared as hell.

Underneath her skin and jewelry 

_Hidden in her words and eyes_

_Is a wall that's cold and ugly_

_And she's scared as hell_

_Trembling at the thought of feeling_

_Wide-awake and keeping distance_

_Nothing seems to penetrate her_

_She's scared as hell_

_ _

_I am frightened too_

_ _

_Wide-awake _

_And keeping distance from my soul_

I am scared like you (2)

Buffy and Angel stood apart from each other, each trying to grapple with the conflicting emotions in their heads. It was in that moment of stilted confusion that Wesley and Giles came into the mansion with Spike in tow.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The two Watchers' came into the room just as Buffy and Angel charged at each other. It was odd to see and somewhat difficult to explain. It was difficult because they were both fighting and well making out. It looked like they were both possessed but there would be moments when their true selves would break through and fight back. It was quite a spectacle to see actually but then it seemed Buffy got the upper hand.

"I'm so sorry Angel, please forgive me." She whispered before punching him hard enough to knock him across the room and into the wall, effectively rendering him unconscious.

Buffy felt a cold wind envelope her. It surrounded her and she felt as if she was in the midst of a tornado. Fear struck a chord within her as she was lifted into the air.

"Giles shackle Angel." She hollered although it came out as a muffled whisper to Giles. However Giles did understand and set to work chaining Angel to the wall. Good thing to because the demon brought Angel back to consciousness momentarily and he lunged forward at the men that surrounded him.

The essence of Ha Nachash screamed in pure anger.

"You think you can defeat me. I will know victory. I will destroy you and you will know no mercy."

The voice filled the room with its fury. It was almost as if its feelings of rage had become an entity of itself and it was choking them. It only lasted a moment and then it was gone. Ha Nachash didn't have the strength to affect much damage…yet.

Buffy was then lifted into the air and thrown across the room, as Angel was slammed back into the wall. Buffy looked over at Angel and Giles a moment before succumbing to the darkness knowing she was for the moment…safe. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Italics (1) Cold and Ugly by Tool

Italics (2) Excerpt from Thinking of you by A Perfect Circle


	4. Chapter 4 - The Fight

CHOICES - A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I'm serious nothing.

Spoiler's: Nope…okay maybe a few…possibly…oh I don't know

Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to "Teenage Sensation" for all her positive feedback and really kind words! I have to say it you are the best.

**AUTHORS NOTE**:WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 4 – The Fight

Buffy slowly came back to herself. She heard voices chanting and her eyes struggled to focus. She pushed the blanket that covered her off and tried to sit up. She immediately regretted it as her head pounded ferociously making her stomach clench. Buffy tried to understand and focus in on the voices that spoke around her.

It took her a few minutes but when she was able to take in her surroundings she saw that Angel was still in the far corner chained to the wall. He looked like he was asleep but he could have been unconscious. Xander, Dawn and Anya were sitting to one side of the room amidst a pile of books and Giles, Wesley, Tara and Willow were chanting and waving herbs and sprinkling powders around the mansion.

Buffy got to her feet quietly and wandered over to where Angel lay on the floor mindless to the pain that wracked her body. He was only dressed in a pair of torn sweat pants, he was bruised and bloody and she could see from the way that he was vibrating that he was cold. Not wanting to disturb anyone Buffy went in search of a blanket for him. Xander caught her movement out of the corner of his eye. He quietly rose and walked up beside her. Sensing someone behind her Buffy turned.

"Whatcha doin Buff?"

"I need a blanket for Angel."

"Do you need help looking for one?"

"No I know where Angel keeps his stuff. Thank you though Xander. I appreciate it."

"Are you sure Buffy cuz you don't look so good right now?"

"Yea Xander I'm sure."

Buffy headed upstairs to Angel's bedroom. She stopped in the hallway and pulled a couple of blankets out she then went into the bedroom to his cupboard and pulled out a change of clothes for him. She turned to leave the room when she felt a cold chill surround her. She dropped the clothes on the floor and made herself ready for an attack.

"I know you're here." Buffy said quietly.

"They think they can keep me out with their spells? I will triumph."

"No I will triumph."

"What makes you think you and a bunch of mortals can stop me?"

"Simple…I am the Slayer."

Suddenly and without thought Buffy swung out and connected with something solid. She heard it stifle a cry of pain so she closed her eyes and concentrated. Buffy heard a sound to the left of her and she ducked down feeling a gust of wind pass over her head. Immediately she responded with an upward thrust. Again she felt that she connected. It sounded like a good shot too.

"See I can still defeat you. Corporeal or not I will still take you down."

"Lucky shot Slayer, means nothing more than what it was. Victory will be mine. I will destroy your warrior. He will suffer an eternity of torture never to know a moment's peace. He will be begging for the opportunity to make it end. He will beg to die or to kill you whatever will make it stop."

"Yeah let's test that theory shall we?"

Again Buffy closed her eyes in concentration and at the slightest sound she moved like a well-oiled spring. Each blow delivered had amazing strength and deadly accuracy. It was amazing to see. Buffy was a testament to her calling. No matter the foe she fought with conviction.

Buffy stood still a moment and then lashed out with a final back kick, which sent her entity sprawling into the wall hard enough to make it crack. She knew she had injured it and she was thrilled but her face revealed nothing. She simply spoke in the direction of the cracked wall as she gathered the clothing and blankets.

"Rule number one: never piss off the Slayer."

"Rule number two: check the history babe."Buffy moved in front of it. She could tell by the change of temperature in the air. "Nobody and I mean nobody messes with my man, my friends, my family or the innocents I protect."

"Rule number three: break rules number one and two and I wipe the floor with your supernatural ass." As if to prove once again that Buffy could, she grabbed what she thought would be its throat and squeezed.

She could feel it clawing at her trying to get away. 

"I will know what it takes to banish you. Trust in that."

The entity faded from her grasp and Buffy headed back downstairs. She walked straight over to the still unconscious vampire and set about getting him cleaned. The others in the room watched in silenced awe as Buffy walked into the kitchen and returned with a basin and a towel and she set about washing the dried blood from their fight off of his face. 

Unbeknownst to Buffy, Riley had come to the mansion after speaking to Willow on the phone. He had been sitting in the corner helping with the research when Buffy returned to Angel's side. They all watched how Buffy dipped the towel in the water and then carefully and lovingly brought the towel across his face. Each touch was the caress of a lover. 

"Key please." Buffy requested without looking up.

"Buffy…"

"KEY please."

Willow brought the key to Angel's manacles over to her. She squatted down beside her friend.

"Buffy are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"Yes I do. It will be fine."

Willow stepped back and still they watched as Buffy undid one manacle. She cleaned the wounds that had been caused by his straining against his restraints. She then took a dry towel and tore it into four strips one of which she wrapped around his wrist. Buffy put Angel's free arm into the sleeve of his shirt and then refastened the manacle. She repeated the process with his other wrist and they watched in amazement as she lifted Angel's bulky frame to bring the shirt around him and then she refastened the other manacle.

Buffy then moved down to Angel's feet. She undid both feet and pulled Angel's pants down, praying in the back of her mind that he'd had the presence of mind to have put boxers on the other night before her arrival. As the pants slipped past his hips Buffy realized that her prayers had gone unheeded. Angel lay naked from the waist down so Buffy shifted so she blocked him from the view of the others. Since her back was to them she couldn't see how Riley's temper was slowly building with every moment that passed.

Buffy saw to Angel's injuries and then slipped the clean pair of pants onto him. She again wrapped towel strips around his ankles and then refastened the manacles. Once she had carefully gotten him cleaned and dressed in proper clothes she then draped the blanket over him. 

She then took up post against the wall near his head running her fingers through his hair while she tried to figure out what her next step was.

Sleeping beauty delusional 

_I believed I could cure it all for you dear_

_Coax or trick or drive or drag the demon from you_

_Make it right for you_

_Sleeping beauty truly for I could magically heal you_

_ _

_Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening_

_Failing miserably to rescue sleeping beauty_

_ _

_Drunk on ego, truly thought I could make it right_

_If I kissed you one more time to help you face the nightmares_

_But you're too far poison for me_

_Such a fool to think that I could wake you from your slumber_

_That I could actually heal you_

_ _

_Sleeping beauty poisoned and hopeless_

_Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening_

_Failing miserably to find a way to comfort_

_Far beyond a visible sign of your awakening_

_Hiding from some poisoned memory_

_ _

_Poisoned and hopeless sleeping beauty_

_ _

_Sleeping Beauty by A Perfect Circle_

_ _

It was only a moment before Angel stirred. Buffy immediately had her attentions focused on him. She watched as he slipped into game face. He was mumbling something inaudible and to everyone's surprise and slight horror Buffy bent down close to his fang filled mouth. He couldn't remember all of what happened but one thing he knew for sure was that Buffy was close to him. He could feel her and he knew she would help him. She would make the pain and confusion and hunger go away.

"Angel baby what is it? What's wrong?"

Angel could smell Buffy's blood coursing just inches away from his mouth. He was disoriented and the hunger was becoming insatiable. He moved but found he was restrained and the pain that coursed through him made speech near impossible. He just knew he needed to eat. 

"BUFFY GET BACK AWAY FROM HIM." 

Buffy wasn't able to tell who exactly shouted. In fact she was probably sure that everyone in the room had shouted it simultaneously. Buffy wasn't afraid of Angel and he was chained to the wall. She knew in her heart of hearts she was in no danger fro him so she ignored their protests and shouts.

"Angel are you hungry, nod if you understand."

Angel gave a barely perceptible nod and Buffy turned towards the group she knew was watching this very carefully. Each one of them had a weapon in hand ready to strike if necessary.

"Can someone go to the fridge and check to see if there is any blood in it please?"

Buffy felt her irritation grow as they all stood there in a stupor. She knew to ask them again would be in vain so she got up from Angel and half walked half ran into the other room. She searched the fridge but there was nothing.

Buffy returned to the room where Angel lay and she walked up to the table where Giles had weapons laid out. She picked up a small dagger and turned to go back to Angel. As she was walking away she felt a hand close around her arm.

Buffy turned and found herself looking straight into the eyes of Riley. Buffy hadn't realized he was here and she suddenly felt awkward. Recent events had put a real strain on their already tenuous relationship.

"What exactly do you think you are going to do with that?" He gestured to the small dagger she held in her hand.

"He's hungry."

"You're going to let him drink your blood?" Riley cried out incredulously.

That caught everybody's attention.

"Buffy you can't possibly be seriously thinking about letting him feed from you again?" Giles almost hissed. "You don't know what that demon did to him or what the ramifications may be to you."

"You're right Giles I don't. What I do know is that if my heart's warrior dies then the big bad has an open shot at me. So unless someone can produce a quart or two of blood like now then I'm feeding him unless of course there is someone else who would like to volunteer?"

Silence befell the room as Buffy looked at each and every one of them and each one of them in turn looked at the floor.

"Yeah that's what I thought so if you'll excuse me."

Buffy pulled out of Riley's grasp and walked over to Angel. She sat down on the floor and pulled Angel's head into her lap. She made a small incision on her forearm and then held her arm to Angel's mouth. Immediately she felt Angel's tongue lave the wound and then the familiar burning sensation as his fangs sunk into her flesh and he began to nurse the blood from her arm. After a few moments Buffy began to pull her arm away. Angel understanding immediately withdrew his fangs but he continued to lave the wound. Buffy pulled her arm completely away and Angel his hunger now sated contentedly nestled his head into her lap falling into a much-needed slumber.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy carefully eased herself out from underneath Angel's head and she walked outside onto the patio. The cool night air felt good as it wrapped around her. She was staring at the wound on her arm, watching in fascination as her skin knitted together before her eyes. Giles came out and stood beside her.

"Look Giles about earlier, I know you are concerned about me and you wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize me but where Angel's concerned I take no chances. I couldn't take it if he died especially if I could have done something to prevent it."

"I know Buffy. It's just that we are all under a lot of stress trying to find a way to fight this well mist demon. The only way you can destroy it is if it is solid and…"

"No."

"What?"

"When I was upstairs it came to me, wanting to taunt me or unnerve me and I hit it. Several times."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I hurt it?"

"If you can't see it how could you tell?"

"I heard it. It cried out in pain and it retreated. Just find out what it takes to banish its essence and I'll worry about the fighting part."

"Very well Buffy."

Giles put his hand on Buffy's shoulders before leaving. "I know you'll defeat this thing Buffy. I have faith in you, in you both."

Buffy put her hand atop of Giles and squeezed.

"Thank you Giles."

Buffy remained outside a moment longer enjoying the quiet of the night. When she turned to go back inside however she saw that Riley was standing against the partially closed doors of the patio entrance.

"Riley."

"Buffy, looks like you been having quite a week huh?"

"Riley I didn't ask for this."

"No but it's a funny thing fate. It lets you in on things you might never have otherwise known."

"Riley…"

"No Buffy let me finish. You know I really thought you and I would one day get past him. I thought you just needed time but that one day you would look at me the way you look at him but I can see that I was just a dreaming fool."

"Riley that's not fair. The circumstances here are a little bit out of my control."

"Yeah okay I can understand that but did you **have** to dress him, did you **have** to let him feed off of you? Does your first thought have to be about him?"

"Who else is going to do it? Huh? If I don't do it who would? You, Xander, Giles? Everyone else here is either afraid of him or would rather see him suffer so tell me Riley, if I don't tend to Angel who would?"

Buffy brushed away the tears that were forming in her eyes. She couldn't do this now; she couldn't have this fight with him now. Most of all she couldn't answer the questions she knew were coming because she wasn't entirely sure she had the answers. At least not the answers he wanted to hear.

"Buffy I love you. Don't you get that?"

"I lo-ove you t-to." Buffy said quietly stumbling over the words. Maybe she said it a little too quietly.

"Do you? I mean do you really Buffy because from where I'm sitting I wouldn't have guessed it." Riley snapped.

"I'm not doing this not now."

"Then tell me when Buffy? When are we going to deal with what is not happening between us?"

Something in Buffy just snapped. She was tired of everyone telling her how she should act and be and whom she could have in her life. She was tired of putting everything off for the sake of everyone else. She was tired of having her life taken out of her control since the day she had found out about her bloody sacred calling.

"You just don't get this do you? None of you do. I am trying so hard to deal with everything. It's all closing in on me, it has been for years and I feel like I can't breathe but still you all keep pushing a little more. Buffy's the Slayer, Buffy has responsibilities to everybody else but never to herself. Slayers don't have friends, Slayers don't have lovers, and Slayer's don't have lives outside of slaying. 

I was ripped out of my normal life at 15 years old and I was told that I had this sacred duty to kill what I never even knew existed outside of books that I never read until that night when I met and killed my first vampire. I have been trying to get past Angel and to love you but it's hard. We had …well its not as easy for me to walk away from what we had as I have led people to believe. You all have me perched atop an impossibly high pedestal and yet you're all surprised and disappointed when I fall off. "

"Buffy…"

"No, no you wanted to deal so we're dealing. Do you think I wanted this? Do you think I asked to have my first love be a creature I was destined to destroy? Do you all think I am doing this just to be a little rebellious to the council? Gee how can I unnerve everyone today? Oh I know I will fall helplessly in love with a vampire that'll do it. I'll pick the most vicious and unstable critter of the lot; the one with the most sadistic and demented bloodline and it'll be a good time, great big ole angst fest cuz hey what's a little murder, torture and mayhem between friends.

I fell in love with Angel the moment I looked into his eyes. I loved **him** before I knew about anything else. By the time I knew what he was, who he had been it was too late cause I was already gone. I was sixteen years old but nobody seemed to remember that Slayer aside I was still just a girl, a girl Riley. Things happened and Angelus came back. I have had to deal with not only having Angel's murder on my conscious but Jenny's too and what happened to Xander and Willow and god Giles."

Buffy choked back a sob. She hadn't noticed that she was talking so loudly that everyone in the mansion including Angel, who had since awakened, was hearing what she had to say.

"I have had to live with my friends feelings of betrayal because I couldn't kill him when I should have. I did though I ran that sword through him. I condemned my Angel not Angelus to hell. I wasn't even allowed to grieve him. Although they didn't say it in so many words I know they felt like I shouldn't have broke down, I shouldn't have left them alone. I should have been their Slayer, their protector. Do you know what's it's like to have everything stripped away from you? Xander and Willow had been attacked and hurt, Giles had been kidnapped and brutally tortured, Kendra had been murdered and I was being blamed for it all, literally. My mother just found out I was the Slayer and had told me that if I was too walk out of her house that night not to come back. I had to trust that Spike was going to be true to his word and help me to stop Angelus and then I alone had to fight the demon that wore my lover's face. It was more than I could bare to look at Angel who had gotten his soul restored too late, too look him in the eyes, kiss him and then send him to hell on the end of my sword.

I have been trying so hard to live up to what everyone thinks I should be but since you all have very different opinions it's getting kind of hard. I would just like to get through one god damned day without someone questioning my every move, my every decision. One day without someone reading more into what I am doing than what's really there."

"Buffy it's not that we question you it's just…" Riley said sounding a little subdued by Buffy's outburst.

"It's just what Riley. I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't.I can't care for Angel because you and Xander and Giles get your precious feelings hurt and on the other hand if I show indifference then people like Cordelia get all huffy and in my face and Angel gets hurt so I can't make anyone happy here least of all me but that doesn't matter to any of you does it? No see because as long as each of you is secure and content with your pathetic little lives then screw Buffy."

Buffy started to walk away from Riley and in to the mansion when she stopped again.

"I won't stop loving him just because all of you say I should, it just never meant that I couldn't love you too. Until this is over I can't deal with this, us. Right now my top concern is getting me out of this situation alive and that means keeping Angel alive. I don't know what the future holds for us Riley. Just because I've accepted my life as it is it doesn't mean I'm any further ahead in the game than the rest of you. If you can't accept that then you should just go."

Buffy turned and walked back into the mansion and found everyone quietly sitting around. Even Angel was awake and looking in her direction. Buffy knew that they had heard her and she couldn't deal with the wake of her explosion. She saw Xander and Willow approach her and she flinched away. She couldn't do this now as she fought against the burning of tears behind her eyes.

"I'm going out. I'll be back in an hour or so." She stated in a tone that said it wasn't up for debate.

"You shouldn't go alone." Giles said.

"I'll go with her." Spike offered.

Everyone turned in surprise to see Spike standing in the doorway to the mansion's great room.

"Before anyone argues I see it two ways. First off besides Peaches here I'm the strongest ally she's got. I am her best bet if trouble goes down. Secondly Blondie and I need to have us a little heart to heart. So that being said…shall we?"

Spike offered his arm in Buffy's direction and after a moment's thought she accepted it and headed out into the cool California night.

Wouldn't it be great if no one got offended 

_Wouldn't it be great to say what's really on your mind_

_I've always said all the rules are made for bending_

_And if I let my hair down would that be such a crime_

_ _

_I wanna be consequence free_

_I wanna be where nothing needs to matter_

_I wanna be consequence fee_

_ _

_I could really use to lose my Catholic conscience_

_Cause I'm getting tired of feeling guilty all the time_

_I won't abuse it yeah I've got the best of intentions_

_For a little bit of anarchy but not the hurting kind_

_ _

_I wanna be consequence free_

_I wanna be where nothing needs to matter_

_I wanna be consequence fee_

_ _

_I couldn't sleep at all last night cause I had too much on my mind_

_I'd like to leave it all behind but you know its really not that easy_

_Oh just for one night_

_ _

_Wouldn't it be great if the band just never ended_

_We could stay out late and we would never hear last call_

_We wouldn't need to worry about approval or permission_

_We could slip off the edge never worry bout the fall_

_ _

_I wanna be consequence free_

_I wanna be where nothing seems to matter_

_I wanna be consequence free_

_ _

_Consequence Free by Great Big Sea_

_ _

_ _


	5. Chapter 5 - Spike

CHOICES - A Buffy Angel Saga Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I'm serious nothing. Okay I own a handful of Buffy videos happy now.

Spoilers: Nope…okay maybe a few…possibly…oh I don't know

Dedication: To anyone who sent me a review

**AUTHORS NOTE**:WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 5 - Spike

Spike offered his arm in Buffy's direction and after a moment's thought she accepted it and headed out into the cool California night. Buffy was a little bit wary about being out alone with him especially after what happened the last time. Besides she was still reeling from her outburst with Riley and she knew when she got back she would have to answer to the others. They had heard her and they undoubtedly have something to say. Suddenly the idea of being out alone with Spike didn't seem to be the wisest of choices.

"So is this a regular patrol or do we have a purpose here tonight?"

Buffy didn't answer. She barely nodded or was it a shake of the head? Spike lit a cigarette and tried a different angle.

"You know Buffy about the other night?"

Buffy flinched. She had been feeling guilty about what she had done to Spike, more than guilty in fact she felt sick about it. She had been under an enormous amount of stress before any of this went down and now…well now it was damn near unbearable and she had snapped. Although Spike deserved something for the way he had _shared_ what he knew with Riley standing there, he didn't deserve what she had done. A slayer was supposed to kill not torture and humiliate. Buffy was suddenly feeling very sullen and depressed.

"I should drain you for what you did to me. I should see you dead, gutted…I…are you even listening to me?"

Buffy was trying to bite back the tears that were burning her eyes. Spike had now stopped walking and stood in front of her. He grabbed her by her shoulders and shook her making her jerk her head up and look into his fiery ice blue eyes. She felt her will to fight, to live, to exist draining away from her. _Let someone else deal; let another Slayer be called._ She thought wearily to herself.

Buffy watched with seemingly vacant eyes as Spikes Blue turned to a blazing golden yellow. Spike had morphed into his demon visage; his true face and he pulled Buffy close. She could feel the scrape of his fangs on her throat but she didn't fight, she didn't struggle, she just didn't do anything but stand there. At best Buffy tipped her head to allow him unimpeded access to her throat.

This should have been Spike's defining moment. He should have been smug with satisfaction that the Slayer was willingly offering herself to him instead he found himself repulsed.

"Bloody hell Buffy what's the matter with you?" 

He pushed her away in disgust. He was like that close to sinking his fangs into her throat and devouring that thick rich and powerful ambrosia that was Slayer's blood. It would have been worth the mind numbing headache he would have gotten for his troubles but Buffy just stood there passively her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

"What's the matter with me?" She snorted. "Everything, everything is wrong. I should have killed you. I should have staked you long ago but I didn't. I should have staked Angel that night in the Bronze. You all think I'm this strong person, this force to be reckoned with but I'm not. I'm not strong at all. I'm nothing but a girl."

"What are you saying Buffy?"

"You told me once that you were able to kill two slayers because every slayer has a death wish. I never believed you; I never believed that it was anything more than being bested in a fight. I never believed it until now."

Spike paled, if that was possible, and he wasn't sure what to say for a moment. He was a demon and here he had the slayer wanting to die. He should be reveling in this knowledge but he wasn't. In fact he was terrified at what her words were implying.

"Buffy you can't mean that. You need to fight."

"Why Spike? Why should I fight and defeat this demon only to have another one come after me. They never stop. It's like I have a beacon flashing over my head announcing that I am the slayer please take your best shot. I'm tired. I'm done. I don't want to fight anymore."

"But you have to fight. You are strong, stronger that anyone I have ever known."

Spike grabbed her once again making her look into his eyes. All he could see in them was despair and insurmountable pain. He needed to do something and do it fast. If Buffy was giving up on herself then the rest of them were done for.

"You have to fight Buffy."

He punched her and reeled back from the pain that ripped through his skull. Buffy looked at him in shock. Spike waited for a reaction from her and when he got nothing he wound up and punched her again and then promptly staggered into a nearby tree, the crippling pain crushing him.

"Fight damn you." He shouted at her with angry tears stinging his eyes.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to die."

Before Buffy could respond or Spike could react a cold wind swept her up in a crushing embrace. It felt like the life was being squeezed out of her. She knew what it was she knew that it was Ha Nachash. He had sensed her weakness, he had been the cause of it be now he was able to attack. Buffy was being tossed around like a rag doll and for the briefest of moments she gave in to it. She wanted death. She wanted peace. Spike could feel her resignation. His eyes went wild with fear. 

"Buffy Noooo. Fight damn you. Fight."

(AN: Picture the Buffy/Angel love theme playing, well an extended version, and if this were an episode it would be in slow motion. If you have it I recommend playing it. Play it 2 or 3 times though.)

Buffy barely registered Spike's words as she lay limp suspended midair. Buffy closed her eyes and the tears streamed down her cheeks as thoughts of Angel, Willow, Giles and Xander filled her mind. She kept thinking about how sorry she was that she couldn't be strong enough for all of them as the pain of the entity's grasp became unbearable. She silently prayed that their deaths would be swift and merciful as everything faded out around her. 

Her eyes flickered open and she thought she saw Angel standing over her hand outstretched. She reached her hand out to him but as she did he recoiled in pain and his image flickered and then disappeared.

"A-angel…s-sor-ry." Buffy managed to squeeze out as her face contorted with pain.

Spike was not giving up though. He couldn't see what he was fighting but as long as Buffy still had breath in her lungs he would fight. Ha Nachash threw Spike around like he was nothing. Spike was broken and bleeding but still he fought. He saw the pain on her face and he cried out to her.

"Buffy, Buffy…hang on…Ahhh bloody hell."

Buffy heard Spike cry out in pain and she looked over to she him barely recognizable through the blood but still fighting for her. Her enemy was fighting to save her…her. Something snapped in Buffy lifting the veil from her eyes and she began to struggle against Ha Nachash. She focused her energy and what strength she had left to breaking free of the crushing grip that held her. Ha Nachash dropped Spike to the ground and Buffy noticed he lay motionless and bloody and something unexplainable happened inside of her.

Maybe it was seeing someone fight for her life or maybe it was Spike or maybe it was the thought of losing everything she held dear to her in her life but Buffy began to fight as she felt the Slayer in her come alive.

Ha Nachash feeling the Slayer's change retreated, this Slayer was a formidable opponent but he vowed to be back as he swore he would know victory. Buffy ignored her pain as she rushed to Spike's side and tried to determine the extent of his injuries. He wasn't dust at least. 

"Spike, Spike can you hear me?" She cried out.

Spike groaned in pain as Buffy helped him to his feet. She supported him as they made their way back to the mansion. When they got inside the gang was quiet and solemn. Buffy near dropped Spike when she saw Angel in obvious pain on the floor. Xander barely caught Spike as Buffy ran and dropped to the floor sliding up beside Angel. 

She cradled him into her arms crying. She knew people were trying to explain what had happened, she could hear their voices but she wasn't focusing in on anything but Angel. She barely understood Willow's explanation for Angel's pain. All she did understand was that when she gave up on life so did he. She pulled him in close and rocked him her tears soaking his hair.

"Please Angel I need you. Come back to me."

The group couldn't help but watch with heavy hearts as Buffy and her lover sat broken in the corner. Riley turned away, his heart constricting, as he watched Buffy lean down and kiss Angel. Buffy could taste her tears as she desperately tried to get as response from him. Nothing happened and for the first time since she had known Angel she truly felt like she was kissing a corpse. Buffy got up and all but ran out of the room.

Giles and Xander were quiet, Spike collapsed to the floor trying to hold back his tears and Willow was choking on her sobs as they watched Angel not moving and Buffy be devastated all over again.

In the garden Buffy had fallen to the floor her grief washing over her as she tried to come to grips with what was happening. She almost lost herself, she couldn't loose Angel now. She needed him if she was to survive this.

_The winter's here cold and bitter_

_It's chilled us to the bone_

_We haven't seen the sun for weeks_

_To long too far from home_

_I feel just like I'm sinking _

_And I claw for solid ground_

_I'm pulled down by the undertow_

_I never thought I could feel so low_

_Oh darkness I feel like letting go_

_ _

_(Taken from Full of Grace by Sarah Mclachlan)_

It was a good few minutes before Angel started to move. Willow who was sitting closest to him noticed the movement first.

"Angel? Buffy Angel's moving, Angel's moving!"

Angel sat up with Willow's help as Buffy rushed back into the room and when she saw Angel sitting up on his own and looking at her she all but launched herself into his embrace. Buffy held to Angel fiercely as if letting him go would be to lose him completely. Angel held to Buffy with just as much intensity.

Tears choked his voice as he tried to speak.

"God Buffy I thought I'd lost you."

"What happened to you?" Buffy asked, her fear evident in her voice.

"One minute I was sitting here thinking about what you had said to Riley and the next it was if I was being crushed but I couldn't see what had me. I was suspended in the air and for a brief moment I could see you. You reached out to me but before we could touch you faded away. It stopped as suddenly as it began but I felt you give up. It scared me so much Buffy. I felt you want to die."

Buffy and Angel stayed huddled in the corner not wanting to let the other out of their sight for fear of what would happen if they did.

Okay here is where I apologize for how long it has taken for this chapter. I have been so busy and sick! Well I hope people like what I did here. I'm still not quite over what I had so if this chapter sucks I'm blaming the virus! * Author grins evilly *


	6. Chapter 6 - Survival

CHOICES - A Buffy Angel Saga Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I'm serious nothing.

Spoilers: Nope…okay maybe a few…possibly…oh I don't know

Dedication: To anyone who sent me a review

**AUTHORS NOTE**:WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 6 – Survival

Buffy lay sleeping curled up beside Angel in his bed. She hadn't wanted to leave his side and although Riley had wanted desperately to argue this with her he hadn't knowing that she needed the peace of mind and also knowing that she wouldn't find it in his bed. Angel however was awake and had wandered out into towards the kitchen. He was hungry and thought it would make everyone feel better if they didn't need to watch him eat. Besides Buffy's crew weren't as understanding and accepting of him as his crew had become. Giles and Wesley had slipped out and procured more than enough blood to keep the two vampires sated.

He slipped past the great room where a handful of the gang were scattered about all still deep in slumber including Spike. He slipped into the kitchen and pulled a container of blood out of the fridge. He pooped it into the microwave a minute and then sat down at the table to leisurely drink his breakfast.

He didn't notice Willow until she was standing in the doorway. He looked up and saw her tired sad eyes and motioned for her to have a seat.

"Are you okay Willow? You look tired."

"Willow nodded and stared at his container a moment. Angel followed her stare and then looked her in the face again.

"If this bothers you I can leave it till later."

"Huh? No Angel its fine. I guess I'm just a little preoccupied."

"Preoccupied?"

"Okay scared. I'm so scared about this whole Ha Nachash thing. Last night was weird. First Buffy's speech and then Spike told me what happened with Buffy and when she was being killed so…so were you. This thing is strong and the only thing that gives me hope is the connection that you and Buffy seem to have, which happens to be getting stronger."

Willow's eyes suddenly went wide and she near jumped out of her chair. The action startled Angel and Willow burst out into a fit of giggles.

"Sorry Angel I didn't mean to freak on you but if your feeding on her creates a stronger bond …"

"A bond that almost killed us."

"Yes true but it may also help to make you stronger, more difficult for Ha Nachash to get to you. I have to do some research but if I'm right about what I'm thinking then …"

With that Willow had run into the other room and began grabbing books referencing and cross referencing in such a way that would make Giles proud. Angel however finished his breakfast and headed back towards his room knowing if Buffy woke and he was gone she would be upset. Buffy had unresolved issues about waking up to his empty bed. 

Before he could get there though Riley stepped out in front of him. Angel was glad he just fed because this boy provokes something in him. Angel knew his soul would take just as much pleasure as the demon would to rend him limb from limb.

"I think you and I need to have a little chat."

"What is it that you think we could possibly have to talk about?"

"Buffy."

"I'm not discussing Buffy with you."

Angel turned away from Riley and began to make this way towards his room but Riley wasn't about to give up so easy. Riley foolishly grabbed a hold of Angel by the arm and spun him round to face him.

"You will talk with me about Buffy because it seems that we need to clear a few things up."

"If you like your hand attached to your body I suggest you remove it from mine."

Riley ignored Angel's threat and pressed forward.

"Buffy moved on Angel and she doesn't need you pulling any crap on her. You may need to be here but you don't need to be around her. It's only going to rip out her heart when you decide you are going to hightail it back to LA. Buffy has been through a lot and she doesn't need the heartache of you again."

"What I'm hearing here Riley is that **you** don't want to be taking a back seat to Buffy's feelings for me. That makes things real easy for me since I don't give a shit about how you feel or what you want."

Angel once again moved away from Riley.

"You walked away from her. She belongs to me now and I won't give her up. I'll fight with my very last breath. You are nasty and vile and unholy and Buffy deserves so much better than you."

Angel snarled and slipped into game face as he pinned Riley to the wall by his throat.

"Listen carefully boy because I'm not going to repeat myself. Buffy belongs to no one but herself. Whomever she chooses to be with is her decision to make. You don't understand the reasons I had to leave and they are none of your business but if you insist on losing your life over her then I might just be tempted to take you up on that offer boy. Believe me I would love nothing more to show you just how nasty and vile I can be."

Angel then tossed Riley to the side and walked down the hall, stopping momentarily outside his bedchamber only to bring back his human visage.

Angel slipped quietly into the room and made his way back towards the bed. He slipped his feet out of his slippers and climbed in beside Buffy. Buffy immediately moved towards him, snuggling close to his chest and tucking her head beneath his chin. Angel wrapped an arm around her securely encompassing her in his embrace. The corners of his mouth tipped up in a smile as he heard the small sigh of contentment escape her lips.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was hours later when everyone finally began coming back into consciousness. Everyone had slept well except for Riley who was too angry about the whole Angel thing and Angel who was worried about the whole Ha Nachash thing and Willow who had been trying to back up her theory with documented proof.

Everyone was sitting in the great room of the mansion when Buffy walked in. She still looked tired but for the most part she looked better. Angel handed her a cup of coffee and she smiled gratefully at him. It had been so good to wake up beside him. She couldn't even begin to explain what it felt like to sleep wrapped up in his embrace and just know that he was there. She didn't dare let those feelings show because she didn't know what would happen with Angel after this and she had seen Riley hurt enough since the beginning of this.

Gratefully no one had questioned her on her outburst yet, not even Angel. However she knew that eventually they would. She knew they all had questions and she just hoped she had the answers.

"So guys do we know anything further about our demon?" Buffy asked.

"Well we are getting closer to finding out how to make him visible to you so you can kill him." Giles said wearily.

"And do we know how to kill him?" Angel asked this time.

"Yes a blessed dagger through the heart, chant a little and then voila dead demon." 

"I know how to make you stronger you know so you're better able to fight this thing." Willow said.

"You do?"

"Yeah there's this ritual I found that will bind you and Angel together almost combining your essences, your souls, your powers together to make you impenetrable. The demon won't be able to get into your heads and mess with you like he has been doing."

Everyone seemed impressed with what Willow had found except Riley. He had paled at the idea of Buffy, his Buffy becoming even more tied to one another. If he let this happen he might truly lose Buffy for good.

"What exactly does the ritual involve Willow?" Giles questioned.

"Well it seems that every time Angel feeds off of Buffy their connection gets stronger. In the binding ritual I found if Buffy and Angel feed off of each other then they become part of one another and strengthen one another. The incantation is simple enough and the ingredients need for this we have at the Magic Box. This might be the only way Buffy can go up against Ha Nachash and win."

"Feed off of each other? You mean Buffy has to drink Angel's blood too?" Riley all but screamed.

"Yes the sharing of blood is essential for this binding spell to work. The blood is mixed with magical herbs and powders and …"

Riley started pacing and he wouldn't let Willow finish explaining.

"And she won't become a vampire because I thought that was how you made a vampire." Riley was thoroughly freaked out now.

"I won't be taking enough blood for Buffy to be turned. A person needs to be near death, the heat almost stopped before a vampires blood would turn them."

"Buffy do you really want to do this?" Angel asked.

Buffy looked at Angel hesitantly. She was willing to do whatever would help them to fight but things with Riley were tenuous at best and she wasn't sure they could survive this. She knew she had been really unfair to Riley since this whole thing began. Actually if she wanted to be honest she would have to say that she had never really been fair to Riley at all. She had so wanted to believe that she could have normal that she didn't care who was getting hurt in order for her to have it.

"Giles I want you to look over this ritual with Willow and make sure it's going to do what we want it to. I need to talk to Riley and Angel."

"All right Buffy. Let us know when you are ready."

Buffy held her hand out to Riley and he stared at it a minute before taking it in his own. Buffy started to lead him away from the group.

"Angel is there a room we can use?"

"Second room on the right is fine."

Both Buffy and Angel knew Buffy needn't have asked she just wanted to show respect for Angel by asking his permission.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy led Riley into the bedroom Angel had said to use and she closed the door behind her. She motioned for Riley to sit but she remained standing. Being here with Riley felt like such a betrayal to Angel in her heart. She knew this conversation was going to hard and she knew it might get ugly but she was about to lay it all out on the line for the both of them and she just prayed that they came out of this relatively unscathed.

"Riley I…I don't know exactly how to do this. I uh…"

"You want to do the ritual with Angel? You want to be bonded to him?"

Buffy nodded as the tears welling up in her throat prevented her from speaking.

"I'm losing you here aren't I? Not that you were really mine to begin with."

Buffy looked straight at him in disbelief. Tears now starting to fall.

"I never meant…I never wanted to hurt…I have to do this Riley. I have to do the ritual with Angel. It may be our only way of beating Ha Nachash and I have to defeat him. I have to protect the world, it's my legacy, my destiny, my eventual undoing."

"Are we going to survive this Buffy?"

"I don't know. I…I don't want to lie to you but I …I just don't know. I'm sorry you deserved so much better than what I ever could give you. You deserve someone who can give you her heart and soul. I can't do that. I tried, I really tried but…I really wanted this to work but …"

"Yeah I know Angel owns your heart. Spike was right then. You will always be his won't you?"

Buffy is walking out of the mansion after the whole thing with Faith and pretending that Angel lost his soul.  "You still my girl?" Angel barely whispers.  Buffy pauses a moment at the door as if in thought before answering…"Always."  Buffy had been standing at the door to the bedchamber about to go see how they were coming with the ritual preparations when he had asked it of her. "You will always be his won't you?" For Buffy the answer was the same now as it had always been. "Always." Came the whispered tear filled response before she slipped out of the room and for all intents and purposes out of Riley's life.


	7. Chapter 7 - Rituals

CHOICES - A Buffy Angel Saga Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own nothing…I'm serious nothing.

Spoilers: Nope…okay maybe a few…possibly…oh I don't know

Dedication: To anyone who sent me a review

Author's Note: I took pieces from The Craft for the ritual.

**AUTHORS NOTE**:WHILE FANFICTION.NET WAS DOWN THIS STORY HAS BEEN UPDATED FROM CHAPTER ONE TO CHAPTER SEVEN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO START AT THE BEGINNING.

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 7 – Rituals

Buffy slipped into the bathroom and tried to get herself together before heading back out to the great room. She didn't want the gang to see her like this most especially Angel. She knew that he would misread her and try to talk her out of doing this ritual. She washed her face and then headed back out. She didn't see Riley so she could only assume that he was still in the room or had maybe even left, not that she could blame him.

Buffy walked up beside Giles and watched as he prepared a mixture of herbs. Buffy continued to walk around as Willow and Tara were going over the ritual incantations. She felt nervous and at the same time she was anticipating what this ritual would mean for her and Angel in the long run.

Wesley and Cordelia cleared a space on the floor and Spike and Dawn walked in with the rest of the stuff needed to work the spell. 

"All right then I think we are ready to go. Where…where is Angel?" Giles questioned as he looked around the room.

"I'll look for him." Buffy offered.

Buffy wandered down the hall and headed upstairs towards the master bedroom. The door was closed and she knocked gently.

"Angel?"

Buffy slowly opened the door to find Angel laying on his bed and facing the window. She saw him react to her presence and then turn towards her. She stood in the doorway almost afraid to go in any further but then Angel reached his hand out to her and it was all she needed.

Buffy crawled up onto the bed beside Angel and he pulled her in close. They both reveled in the feel of holding the other neither one knowing how long it would last but each wishing for eternity. It was a long time before either one of them spoke and it was Buffy who broke the silence.

"They are ready for us downstairs."

"Buffy are you sure you want to do this? I mean because this spell is involved and it…" Angel was struggling.

"What?"

"We are going to be really connected after this, so much more than we are now. It…it might be more than you can handle."

"More than you can handle meaning me or more than you can handle meaning Riley?"

"Well this is going to affect your relationship with…_him_. I don't want you to do something you're going to regret."

"Angel as far as Riley and I are concerned well let's just say our boat was already sinking before we set out to sail."

Angel looked at her funny and Buffy had to stifle a giggle.

"My relationship with Riley has already suffered major damage because of this whole thing. Besides I uh…oh this is harder than I thought…I uh…maybe we should go downstairs the ritual you know."

"What is it Buffy, I need you to be sure about this."

Buffy took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eyes.

"I love you, never stopped and my feelings for Riley are not what I led everyone to believe they were. What about you? Are you sure about doing this?"

"I would do anything to protect you but I'm not the issue here."

"You are just as much an issue here as I am. It is just as important that you do this willingly and without reservation as I do."

Buffy sighed heavily and turned to face him.

"Angel I can't have any kind of life if I am dead now can I?"

"No but…"

Buffy put her fingers against his mouth effectively quieting him.

"No buts, we need to do this so we are doing it all right?"

Angel nodded and got up off of the bed and held out his hand to Buffy helping her to her feet. When they got to the bedchamber door Buffy stopped Angel from opening it and when he turned to look at her she reached her hand up behind his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. The kiss was painstakingly sweet, full of the promises of things to come. They then walked downstairs and Angel took Buffy's hand before they walked into the room and gave it a gentle squeeze. Wesley came over and told Buffy and Angel what would happen in the ritual while the others continued to prepare.

Buffy had been given a thin white slip type dress to wear and Angel a pair of thin white cotton pants. Both were to be bare foot and had gone to do the ritual cleansing.

Cordelia and Tara had gone with Buffy to help her. They had run her a bath with oils and rose petals infused in the water. Cordelia and Tara then poured stainless steel containers of the water over her while they chanted.

"Let her be cleansed. Let her prepare to take his soul into her own. Let these blessed waters protect her from the evil that would infect her. They will be one. They will be one. Two souls come together, alone they are weak but together they are strong. Blessed be."

When they were done Cordelia and Tara pulled Buffy's gown over her still wet body and then they wrapped the towel around her hair trying to absorb the excess water from it. They anointed her forehead and chest with oils and other magic pastes as well as weaved flowers and stones into her hair.

At the same time Wesley and Xander had taken Angel to another bathroom and he was bathed in a very similar fashion. They had used slightly different herbs and oils in his bath than Buffy's but the chant was the same.

When they had finished Angel slipped into the pants he was to wear and they anointed Angel's body with oils and magical pastes and then lead him down to the great room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the great room of the mansion the floor had been cleared of furniture and Willow was wearing what looked like a white floor length nightgown and she had no shoes on her feet. Buffy and Angel watched as Giles and Willow made a circle on the floor with some white powder and then they chanted in what Buffy assumed was Latin. Willow then stepped inside the circle. Giles handed Willow a small dagger and he motioned for Buffy to step towards Willow. Buffy stood right on the edge of the circle and Willow held the dagger to the hollow of Buffy's throat.

"It is better that you should rush upon this blade now than to enter this circle with fear in your heart. How do you enter?"

"With perfect love and perfect trust."

Buffy and Willow leaned into one another and kissed chastely on the mouth. As they did this the protective barrier shimmered and then Buffy stepped over the line now standing inside the circle with Willow. Willow affixed a wooden sheath to the dagger and handed it to Buffy. 

Buffy stood where Willow had moments before and Angel stood where Buffy had been. Buffy held the dagger to Angel's heart.

"It is better that you should rush upon this blade now than to enter this circle with fear in your heart. How do you enter?"

"With perfect love and perfect trust."

Riley had chosen that moment to return. He walked into the great room to see Buffy and Angel lean into one another and kiss gently. The passionate energy that encompassed and surrounded them shone like a bright light. Angel then stepped over the barrier into the circle with the two girls.

Buffy took the dagger and pointed the blade skyward.

"As above."

She flipped it so it was now pointing down.

"So below." And she stuck it into the floor.

Giles, Wesley, Tara and Xander all took up a position around the circle creating a square. Each one had something representative of the four corners: earth, air, fire, and water. 

Giles began chanting first both his arms outstretched skyward. 

"Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the East. Powers of air and invention. Hear us."

Next Wesley.

"Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the South. Powers of fire and feeling. Hear us."

Now Xander.

"Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the West. Powers of water and intuition. Hear us."

Finally Tara.

"Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the North. Powers of mother and earth. Hear us."

Now Willow chants.

"Aide us in our magical working on this May's eve. Spirits of the interregnum show us your glory show us your power. We pray of thee, we invoke thee, we summon and stir thee."

Willow put Buffy's right wrist and Angel's left wrist and bound them with a silk sash.

"Bind these souls and combine the essence. Let them drink of each other and become one. Strengthen their bond and join them. Soul mates united missing pieces now brought forth and made whole. Alone they are weak, together they are strong. Take of mine offering and let my will be done."

Willow took the dagger and made a small incision on her wrist letting some blood drip into a bowl filled with herbs. She lit a match and dropped it into the bowl. The mixture burned and then exploded in a flash of bright purple light. Willow turned to Buffy.

"Buffy do you take into yourself Angel's soul, protecting it as it protects you?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a symbol of this commitment?"

"Yes."

"Give this symbol to Angel."

Buffy took Angel's hand and slipped his claddaugh onto his finger.

"Angel I give you this symbol which represents my commitment to you. I will protect your soul, heart and body as I protect my own until I no longer exist on this plain or any other."

Willow then took the dagger and sliced Buffy's free palm letting blood drip into a goblet. She then turned to Angel.

"Angel do you take into yourself Buffy's soul, protecting it as it protects you?"

"Yes."

"Do you have a symbol of this commitment?'

"Yes."

"Give this symbol to Buffy."

Angel took Buffy's hand and slipped her claddaugh onto her finger.

"Buffy I give you this symbol which represents my commitment to you. I will protect your soul, heart and body as I protect my own until I no longer exist on this plain or any other."

Willow took the dagger and sliced Angel's palm collecting the blood in a goblet. She brought Angel and Buffy's cut hands together letting their blood mix. She then wrapped a silk sash around their hands loosely binding them.

She held the goblet of Buffy's blood to Angel's lips and he drank. She held the goblet of Angel's blood to Buffy's lips and she drank. Willow pored the remaining blood from each goblet into a bowl filled with magic's and she mixed it into a thick liquid. She held one side of the bowl to Buffy's mouth and again she drank then brought the other side to Angel's mouth and he drank. The rest was poured over the cuts on their hands and then they pressed their palms together, their blood and the magical mixture Willow mixed seeping into the one another.

"As I will it so shall it be done."

Suddenly Buffy and Angel's eyes glowed and a bright light enveloped them before an explosion knocked them all to the ground.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy's head hurt and she struggled to sit up. She found the motion made her dizzy and she went to cradle her head in her hands but found that one of her hands was bloody and sticky and the other was tied to Angel. She looked around the room to see Willow lying close to her and the others scattered around the room.

Buffy untied her hand and tried to wake Angel. She shook him gently and he stirred slightly. She ran her bloodied hand along the side of his face and he turned into her palm and his tongue snaked out searching for the blood. She let him lave her palm a moment before gently pulling away.

Angel feeling her pull away opened his eyes to search her out. He found her a few feet away leaning over Willow. He looked around the room seeing the spread of unconscious bodies scattered about. He carefully and slowly got to his feet. He staggered over to where Wesley lay on the floor and tried to rouse him and he saw Buffy continue to tend to one of the others. One by one they checked each of their friends until they both found themselves standing in front of Riley Buffy simply reached down and felt for his pulse. Determining he was alive and simply knocked out she decided it was best to leave him there like that a while. Angel wasn't about to argue.

It took about forty-five minutes to an hour to get everyone back to consciousness and they all sat in relative silence for a while afterwards. Buffy had been itching to be close to Angel but with Riley's close scrutiny of her and him she didn't dare. She was pacing back and forth feeling like she wanted to crawl out of her skin. The ritual had definitely done something to her and all she had to do was glance in Angel's direction to know that he felt the same way that she did. Finally she couldn't stand it anymore.

"I'm going on patrol." She announced.

Giles looked like he was going to object but after seeing the look on Buffy's face thought better of it. 

Buffy headed out and was hoping for a good fight to work off some of this tension that was coursing through her. It wasn't long before a trio of vamps crossed her path. Buffy could only grin evilly at the vamps before she broke out in a run towards them. She fought good and hard and fast and took the three out in record time. The adrenaline rush that surged through her veins was almost equivalent to an orgasm.

Buffy continued walking along her route when she sensed another vampire. She could feel him coming up behind her and she waited until the last minute before ducking as a fist swung out over her head. Buffy had dropped down into a roll and came up facing her opponent.

"Angel damn it that is a really good way to get yourself staked."

"Sorry I just wanted to test your reflexes."

Buffy reached out to smack his chest but he caught her hand and she stumbled closer to him. She looked up into his eyes and she couldn't help but fall in love with him all over again. She laid her hand flat over where his heart laid still, his hand covering hers.

"I can't believe that everything that is in you is in me too. I feel you so much stronger than I did before."

"I know I felt it too back at the mansion. The ritual, the bonding was really powerful."

Buffy leaned her head against Angel's chest and he automatically wrapped his arm around her, brining her in close to him. She couldn't help but moan, as his closeness seemed to overtake her. She looked up to his face and found she wanted nothing more than to taste his lips. Apparently Angel felt the same way as he bent his head down and captured her lips with his own.

The kiss, though simply and almost chaste, was incredibly passionate and the two lovers began to glow brightly as their love for one another manifested. Reluctantly they pulled apart.

"Wow that was…"

"Intense?"

"Yea intense."

"We uh we should get back and talk to Willow about how the bonding will help us defeat Ha Nachash. Once we do we'll have all the time in the world for this."

Buffy looked at Angel skeptically.

"Will we really Angel?"

Angel didn't answer; instead he took her by the hand and led her back towards the mansion. 


	8. Chapter 8 - Learning can be fun

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 8

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 8 – Learning Can Be Fun

Buffy and Angel sat on the floor across from each other. Both were sitting cross-legged with their hands on their knees, palms facing up. They had their eyes closed and their faces bore the look of deep concentration.

The room was darkened, only a handful of candles giving the off the rooms only light. Willow walked around talking to the couple in soft even tones. 

"Buffy I want you to reach deep inside yourself and find that place in your heart, in your soul that you keep Angel."

Buffy was quiet for a moment before she smiled.

"Are you there?" Willow asked although from the look on Buffy's face she knew that she was.

"Yes."

"Alright I want you to pretend like the space in your heart you keep Angel is a room. Picture a room with a door."

"Got it."

"Okay now I want you to open the door and step inside."

The room was quiet a moment and then Buffy gasped.

"What is it Buffy?"

Buffy had done liked Willow had asked and imagined in her mind a room with a door and at her urging she opened it and stepped into the room. At first nothing had changed and she was waiting for Willow's next instruction but then she was hit with this all consuming sensation of love.

Buffy opened her eyes and found both Willow and Angel staring at her intently.

"Buffy?" Angel prompted.

"What is it Buffy?" Willow asked again.

"Love." Buffy replied.

Willow and Angel looked at Buffy a little confused. 

"What do you mean love?" Willow asked.

"When I opened the door and walked into the room I got this overwhelming sensation of love. It was pure unadulterated love."

"So you felt Angel's love for you?"

"Yes and no. It was so much more than a feeling. It's like I could see it, like it had become a living thing and I could not only feel it but also see it and smell it and hear it."

Buffy looked Angel in the eye needing him to see her, to see the truth of her words.

"It was beautiful. Your love is so beautiful. It is so pure and it is bright like a rainbow full of vibrant yellows and blues, and fiery reds and gold's. It was warm and comforting and it smelled like rain and sandalwood. It was so intense and it surrounded me almost drowning me but I have never felt something so right in my whole life. Angel you feel like home."

"What did it sound like?" Willow asked.

"What?"

"You said you could hear it. What did it sound like?"

Buffy looked at Willow for a long minute trying to find the best way to describe the sound she heard and then she looked at her hearts one true love.

"It sounded like a heartbeat and it pulsed with life."

Angel's eyes welled up with tears as he listened to Buffy describe how he manifested himself inside of her. He knew that if he looked inside of himself that Buffy's presence would be like sunshine and flowers, vanilla and honeysuckle. He had feared that he might infect Buffy with his darkness and she had no idea what he felt to know that his demon hadn't tainted her.

Angel was pulled from his reverie by the sound of the door closing behind Willow as she left the room and by the sensation of Buffy pulling him into her warm embrace. 

Angel looked at the goddess in his arms who had a grin stretching from ear to ear.

"And what exactly has you grining like a Cheshire cat?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Yeah you. I feel you so strongly inside of me. It feels pretty amazing to know that I hold a piece of you inside of me physically and mentally. You'll never be completely free of me again Angel. No matter what happens down the road I'm yours for always."

"For always." Angel whispered in agreement as he kissed the top of Buffy's head.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

While Buffy and Angel were learning about the Bond the rest of the gang had fallen right back into research mode. They were trying to determine how Ha Nachash could be defeated.

The gang had all found a place to sit and was diligently thumbing through centuries old texts, everyone that is except Riley. Even though Riley understood on some level that Buffy had given her heart and soul to Angel and that part of her would always belong to him, Riley still couldn't step back and let go of her. He just couldn't shake the need to fight for what he believed was his. 

So bearing that in mind it was easy to understand why Riley was pacing like a caged tiger outside of the room where Willow was instructing Buffy and Angel. When Willow slipped out of the room Riley immediately headed towards the room, not wanting to leave Buffy alone for any longer than necessary in the company of that vampire.

Riley just about had his hand on the door when surprisingly Giles stopped him. Riley would have thought that of all the people in this room that Giles would understand his point of view. After all shouldn't it bother the Watcher that his charge was consorting with the enemy. Riley couldn't stop the ever-growing feeling of rage building inside of him. He didn't understand it all he knew was that more than anything he believed that if he was going to hang onto Buffy then Angel was going to have to die.

"Riley leave them be."

"You can't be serious? You are going to let them be alone. Does no one see a problem with her being the Slayer hanging out with a vampire? This isn't normal." Riley near raged.

"Yes well take a good look around you Riley." 

Giles gestured to the group of faces that were now intently watching the exchange between the Watcher and the commando.

"Nothing about this group of warriors is normal. In our ranks we have two vampires, two witches, two Watchers, an ex-demon, two humans who believe in our cause and fight by our side, a seer, a mystical energy source, a Slayer…"

"And a werewolf." Oz commented as he walked into the room. "That is of course if you'll have me."

"Oz!" Willow shrieked and ran into his embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"Big bad is in town and I thought you could use the strength found in the power of three."

There was no question that Oz meant that Willow, Tara and himself made a powerful trio. Oz would serve as the witches power anchor and protector for the spell needed to help vanquish Ha Nachash.

Giles turned his attentions back to Riley.

"So setting normal aside a moment Buffy is the Slayer and has saved this world from destruction enough times that I think she is entitled to decide who she wishes to spend her time with."

"You trust that vampire with her safety? You all trust that fiend with her safety?"

Willow stepped forward and regarded Riley.

"I would trust him with my life." She stated matter-of-factly.

Riley looked around the room in disbelief as each person in the room nodded in agreement that they did in fact trust Angel with not only their Buffy's well being but their own.

Frustrated beyond words Riley stormed out of the mansion and into the oncoming darkness of nightfall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Willow knocked on the door and when she heard Angel her to come in she slipped inside. When her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room once again she saw Buffy and Angel doing Tai Chi together. Willow watched as they moved as one in perfect synchronicity. They finished their routine and then turned their attentions to Willow.

"What's up?"

"Well Riley's pissed off. I mean really pissed off. He stormed off a few minutes ago. Ooh and Oz is here."

There was no mistaking the way Willow lit up when she said Oz's name. Buffy was glad to see Willow so happy. She certainly deserved it. 

After getting the brief story about Oz's return Willow suggested they do a little more with the bond.

"I want to show you how to use the bond to call on each other when you need to."

Willow had the two of them sitting on the floor again.

"Okay concentrate."

"Find your center."

"Now go to that place you hold each other and attune yourselves to the other's presence in you."

"Now Buffy I want you to send a message to Angel."

Buffy looked perplexed.

"How do I do that?"

"Picture a phone in your mind. Picture yourself picking up that phone and calling Angel. Now send him a message."

Buffy concentrated on sending her message. Of course being as the room was dark and Angel had his eyes closed they didn't see the evil smirk cross Buffy's features.

'Angel? Angel I need you to hear me? I just wanted to tell you…to tell you that…that I've fallen in love with another and I'm going to have his love child.'

Suddenly Angel's eyes snapped open and a feral growl reverberated throughout the room and before Willow knew it Angel had lunged at Buffy. Buffy however had anticipated his move and had darted to her feet with a little shriek. Angel regarded Buffy with undisguised fury and jealousy. Both Willow and Angel were shocked when Buffy burst into a fit of giggles.

"What The HELL is so funny?" Angel barked.

"You…you…" Buffy could barely speak through her laughter. She was struggling to stay on her feet and pointing at Angel.

Angel advanced on Buffy his anger and annoyance reaching a fevered pitch. He had effectively pinned Buffy up against the wall, barely able to restrain the urge to pin her with his teeth in a show of dominance and possessiveness and was waiting less than patiently for her to explain herself. Willow on the other hand was beside herself. She didn't understand what had happened and now it looked like Angel was about to kill Buffy. Although to her credit Buffy didn't seem concerned at all.

Angel's face was inches away from hers.

"WHAT. IS. SO. FUNNY?" He demanded in a deadly tone.

"You look…so cute…when you're all jealous…and vampy." Buffy managed to get out between giggles. Of course when Angel's face changed from a look of pure menace to extreme confusion Buffy lost it all over again. When she was finally able to look him in the eye again she didn't speak. Well at least not with words.

'Oh my sweet Angel. I wanted to say something I was sure would get your attention. Looks like it worked.'

"So you're telling me that what you said wasn't true." He rasped out through his fang filled mouth, the demon still very much to the fore.

Buffy ran her fingertips over the ridges of Angel's brow and trailed them down to his jaw and finally along his fangs. The smile slipped from her countenance, as she very seriously looked deep into his golden eyes.

"No Angel. There is nobody else. There is always and only you."

Her voice dropped to a whisper.

"All my life I have loved only you."

Buffy then captured Angel's mouth in a searing kiss, fangs and all. Angel pulled Buffy close and was making a noise that could only be described as purring as his demon features melted away bringing his human countenance back to the fore. And although Buffy never had cared one way or the other she once again caressed the now smooth plains of his face, silently acknowledging the return of the man simply because she knew it mattered to Angel. Angel loved her all the more for doing it.

~*~*~*~*~*~

You set my soul at ease. Chased the darkness out of view. Left your desperate spell on me. Say you feel it too I know you do. I've got so much more to give. This can't die I yearn to live. Pour yourself all over me and I'll cherish every drop here on my knees.

I wanna love you forever and this is all I'm asking of you. 10,000 lifetimes together, is that so much for you to do? Cause the moment I saw your face and I felt the fire in your sweet embrace. I swear I knew. I'm gonna love you forever.

My mind fails to understand what my heart tells me to do. And I'd give up all I have just to be with you and that would do. I've always been taught to win and I never thought I'd fall. Be at the mercy of a man I've never been. Now I only want to be right where you are. 

I wanna love you forever and this is all I'm asking of you. 10,000lifetimes together, is that too much for you to do?

Cause the moment I saw your face and felt the fire in your sweet embrace. I swear I knew. I'm gonna love you forever.

In my life I've learned that heaven never waits. Let's take this now before it's gone like yesterday. Cause when I'm with you there's nowhere else that I would ever wanna be, no. I'm breathing for the next second I can feel you loving me…I'm gonna love, I wanna love you forever and this is all I'm asking of you. 10,000 lifetimes together, is that too much for you to do?Cause the moment I saw your face and felt the fire in your sweet embrace. I swear I knew. I'm gonna love you forever.

*Thank you to Tinkerbelle for telling me this is I Wanna Love You Forever by Jessica Simpson


	9. Chapter 9 - Oh What Tangled Webs

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 9

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 9 – Oh What Tangled Webs We Weave

While Buffy and Angel continued to work the bond the rest of the group was still researching how it was that they were to go about killing Ha Nachash. They had virtually moved Giles' entire library to Angel's mansion not to mention what Wesley had brought with him when they had first arrived in Sunnydale. The room had been relatively quiet except for the sound of pages turning or books being exchanged.

"HEY." Xander exclaimed although not spoken that loud his voice cut the silence of the room and startled the rest of the occupants to his attention. Seeing the looks on the faces of the people surrounding him Xander realized what he had done.

"Sorry but I think I found something here."

Wesley walked over and took the book from Xander and looked over the passage the boy had pointed out. When Wesley had finished reading he handed the book to Giles. Giles looked up at Wesley first and then at Xander. The elder Watcher put the book down on the table in front of him and removed his glasses surreptitiously wiping them.

"Well G-Man did I get it or did I get it?"

"Yes Xander you uh did indeed get it."

Xander couldn't help the smug look of satisfaction that fell across his face at being the one to find what they needed.

"So what does the book say Giles?" Willow asked.

"Well it says that Ha Nachash can be killed and that he will be in corporeal form…"

"Wait I thought for Ha Nachie…"

"Nachash."

"Whatever. I thought for him to be corporeal Buffy and Angel needed to be dead?" Xander questioned.

"For him to be corporeal in his own body then yes he needs to defeat Buffy and Angel but in order for him to take them on it appears he is able to be corporeal in another's form.

"Which means what?" Oz asked.

"It means he is going to posses somebody and use their body to accomplish his goal."

Giles took a breath and sat on the edge of the table beside him before continuing.

"According to the text Ha Nachash will try to pray on someone within the Slayer's circle. He will try to manipulate them to his will because if he successfully possess them then it will make it that much easier to defeat the Slayer."

"I don't understand. How will his possessing anyone make it easier?" Cordelia piped up.

"Because." A voice popped up from in behind them. "If he possess someone close then it makes it harder for me to fight. He'll use my feelings against me. He knows I will have a hard time killing a demon that wears the face of someone I love."

Everyone was silent a moment and there was no mistaking that Angel had tensed visibly as the unbidden memories of Angelus and the damage he inflicted because Buffy had killed him too late.

"Yes well he is going to prey on the weakest link here. Someone who would be easily swayed to help kill Angel at the very least." Wesley interjected.

Suddenly everyone turned and stared at Xander.

"WHAT? Why is everyone staring at me?" Xander cried.

"Well it's not like you've exactly been on the Angel band wagon." Cordy barked.

"No it's not Xander."

"How do you know Buffy?"

"Because there is only one person who would feel they would benefit from Angel's death, who right now would actively seek it."

"Who's that Buffy?" Giles asked.

"Riley."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Riley was out patrolling well sort of. He was out stalking through graveyards and he was incredibly pissed off, almost irrationally so and anything that got in his face was bound to end up dusted.

Riley couldn't understand this anger. He knew he was annoyed about losing Buffy to Angel but he had understood that he wasn't ever going to have Buffy in the way that he deserved to have her. They had both admitted that regardless of whether or not Angel stepped back into the picture that whatever he thought he had with Buffy would never be anything more than a shell of a relationship devoid of feeling, barren of love.

Something had now crawled under his skin and he found himself not wanting to acquiesce to a vampire. Something was telling him that Buffy would never look at anyone twice, least of all him as long as the vampire lived. 

"Riley what's the deal man? Are you really going to let her just walk away from you like that? She's making a fool out of you. You need to be a man. You need to be a man and fight for the love of your woman. I can help you fight Riley. I can make your dreams come true just let me help you."

_ _

Riley didn't know where the voice was coming from. He just knew that it was offering him a way to keep Buffy and right at that particular moment that was more than enough for him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Knowing that Ha Nachash was going to use someone against her made Buffy uneasy and wary. She knew that Riley was the most likely candidate because he had been passed over in favor of Angel, not that she and Riley had a very substantial relationship to begin with. 

Buffy knew she had been deluding herself. She had wanted so badly to have the normal existence that Angel had left her for but it extended deeper than that. She had wanted to prove to herself that she could sustain a relationship and after Angel and then Parker

Buffy was…well she was at a pretty low point so at everyone's insistence she had given Riley a chance. Outwardly it looked like she was holding her own but only at night under the cover of darkness did she allow herself to give into her true feelings. Only when she was alone would she allow herself to cry and now her selfishness may cause Riley to die by her hand.

"Great just great so not only do they all leave but I have to kill them all too." Buffy mused to herself.

She was sitting out in the garden. She needed a little time to process what she had found out. It had been decided that no one was to leave the mansion just yet so that Ha Nachash couldn't prey on them which only meant Riley would be targeted for sure. Buffy bit back a sob of frustration and silently wished that this whole thing were over with so she could get back to the task of not living her less than normal life.

She was so wrapped up in trying to not let anyone know how upset she was she never heard Angel slip into the garden with her. In fact until he sat behind her and slipped his arms around her waist she hadn't known he was there.

Buffy immediately sunk back into Angel's embrace. Angel nuzzled her head, peppering the side of her face with kisses.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I was just thinking how far we've come since the first time we ever saw one another."

"Yea it's been quite a ride."

The two were quiet a moment as they remembered the first time they had seen each other.

//

'Is there a problem ma'am?'

'There's a problem. Why are you following me?'

'I know what you're thinking and don't worry…I don't bite. Truth is I thought you'd be taller or bigger; muscles and all that. You're pretty spry though.'

//

Buffy then had a flash of watching herself walking down the steps of Hemery high with her friends.

//

'So I'm like Dad you want me to go to the dance in an outfit I've already worn? Why do you hate me?'

'So is Tyler taking you?'

'Where were you when I got over Tyler? He is of the past. Tyler would have to crawl on his hands and knees to get me to go to the dance with him which he's supposed to do after practice so I'm gonna wait.'

'Okay see ya later.'

'Call me. Call me. Call me.'

Back outside of the Bronze.

//

'What do you want?'

'Same thing you do'.

'Okay what do I want?'

'To kill 'em. To kill 'em all.

//

Again Buffy had a vision of herself sitting on the steps of her old high school.

//

'Buffy Summers'

'Yeah. Hi. What?'

'I need to speak with you.'

'You're not from Bullock's are you cause I meant to pay for that lipstick.'

'There isn't much time. You must come with me. Your destiny awaits.'

'I don't have a destiny. I'm destiny free really.'

'You are the Chosen One. You alone can stop them.'

'Who?'

'The vampires.'

'Huh?'

Of to the side Buffy can see a car with blacked out windows parked close by. Even in this vision she gets the sensation of being watched. She peers a little closer and there is something there. Something familiar that she just can't put her finger on, something about that car.

Again she see's the Bronze.

//

'Sorry that's incorrect but you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax…what I want …is to be left alone.'

'You really think that's an option anymore? You're standing at the mouth of hell and it's about to open.'

//

Buffy didn't understand what was happening. She couldn't understand why she was seeing visions of herself on the day she was called. Especially mixed in with the first time she ever saw Angel. What did one have to…Oh My God!

Suddenly Buffy remembered that Angel had mentioned that he had been there when she was called. If memory served he told her that he had fallen in love with her right then because she had held her heart out for all to see. Buffy decided that she was going to talk to Willow about this before letting Angel in on it.

Buffy turned slightly in Angel's embrace, just enough so that she could see his face. She wondered how she would go on if she would never be able to look into this face again.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"Nothing that matters."

Buffy reached up and kissed Angel gently on the lips.

"I'm gonna do a quick sweep. You should get some rest."

"You should be resting too. You need to be ready when we face Ha Nachash."

"I know but I can't sleep knowing I may have let some vamps have free munchies. I promise I'll be quick."

Buffy and Angel rose and headed back into the main room. Before they went in Angel pulled Buffy back into a kiss. It was soft and yet spoke volumes. When he pulled away he rested his forehead against hers, his arms firmly wrapped around her waist.

"Be careful Buffy."

"You know me."

"Exactly…I want you to come back home to me."

"I will." 

'Angel all you have to do is ask and I would give the world for you.' Buffy thought to herself.She watched as Angel made his way upstairs to his bedroom and then she headed into the main hall.

"Spike I wanna do a sweep and I need backup. You up for a little demon ass kicking?"

"Am I? All you need do is ask."

Buffy almost laughed at Spike's enthusiasm as she collected her slaying bag. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy and Spike were walking through Sunny Rest cemetery and Spike was complaining about the lack of ass kicking they were experiencing.

"I am bored Slayer. If we don't find something to knock around soon then headache be damned I hitting you."

"Oh that's nice like it's my fault all the demons have taken a night off."

"Probably is. Every time something goes to hell round here you and those Scooby's of yours are usually not to far away."

"Oh I can't believe your going to blame the Hellmouth on me."

"You better believe it. In fact…"

"Spike shut up."

"Don't tell me…"

"Spike!"

"What?"

"Riley."

Spike looked in the direction Buffy was pointing and sure enough Captain Cardboard was headed their way. From the determined look on the soldier boy's face they knew he had seen them so there wasn't much Buffy and Spike could do but wait.

"Spike don't say anything to him. I don't want him to know what we know."

"Alright pet as long as I can kick his ass."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Riley walked up to Buffy and Hostile 17 with caution. He had to remember to keep his cool and find some way to convince Buffy to bring Angel out into the open. Bring him away from the protection spell surrounding the mansion and the meddling witches. He found it difficult to bite down the anger that flamed up inside.

Buffy had always discouraged him from patrolling with her and yet her she is and with a vampire no less. This was one of the many problems that kept Buffy at arm's distance from Riley, her need to make nice with the enemy. She was the Slayer for god's sake. It should be hunt, find, kill. It should be textbook but Buffy never was one to follow the books.

"Hey Buffy."

"Riley."

"So anything new about our demon?"

"No it would appear our guy has about as much information on him as he does body mass."

"Oh so you just doing a regular patrol?"

"Yeah well you know me, I'm slay girl."

"Well I'll come with you and then we can all go back to the mansion together."

"I don't think that's such a good idea Riley."

"Why not? I've been helping out this far."

"No you've been fighting more than helping."

"I won't fight with anyone. Please Buffy I just want to spend some time with you."

Riley almost managed to sound sincere and Buffy may have bought into it except that her Spidey-sense told her that Ha Nachash had already gotten to him. That and the dark and vacant look his eyes now held.

"Riley I can't…not until I have defeated this thing. I…I just can't deal with us right now. I thought you understood that."

"Oh but I bet you don't have any problem spending time with Angel right? I bet he doesn't cause you any confusion or grief at all does he?"

"Riley you have no idea what my feelings are or ever have been where Angel is concerned and I have to be around him. He is targeted in this right along with me so I have to focus my attentions on him. I know this hurts you Riley and that was never my intention but my life is at stake here. Sacrifices have to be made."

"And I have to be one of them. I always have to be one of them don't I?"

"I'm sorry Riley."

"That you are Buffy and I must be too because regardless I still love you."

Riley had stepped closer to Buffy and Buffy had noticed that Spike had melted far enough back into the shadows to not be seen but not too far that he couldn't help if needed. Riley reached out and took Buffy's hands. Buffy noted the coolness of his skin but didn't comment or flinch. He pulled her close and rested his forehead against hers, his hands holding onto her arms.

"Buffy lets just go back to the mansion, we can talk and we can work this out. Please."

"Riley I can't. Please just understand that I can't. If we survive this we'll talk then but until then I can't. I'm sorry."

Riley tightened his grip on Buffy's arms to the point where she gasped in pain. Buffy pulled her head back away from Riley and looked him in the eye a moment before smashing her forehead into his nose with such force that she felt the bone give way like it was nothing and his blood splattered all over her face.

Riley staggered back, one hand covering his nose the other being used as some kind of balance to keep him from falling to the ground.

"BITCH." He roared.

When he was sure of his footing he lunged forward at Buffy, all previous tethers on his emotions long since snapped. Spike watched in absolute awed silence, as Buffy became a whirling dervish of flying fists and spinning kicks. Each blow was meant to take Riley down but not really hurt him. Her goal was to disable him, not kill him not if she could avoid it.

It wasn't long before Riley was a crumpled bloody mass lying unconscious on the ground. Buffy moved to his prone body and made to pick him up.

"Spike help me."

"What are you doing Pet?"

"I can't leave him out here. His place isn't that far."

"After what he just did to you you're going to help him?" Spike asked in disbelief.

"I can't leave him here to be a midnight snack for some trolling vamp. I just can't do that. Please Spike."

"Alright Pet, where to?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy walked back into the mansion and she tried to quietly sneak in without being seen. She was bruised and bloody and she really wasn't up for twenty questions. She just wanted to burn her clothes, scrub every inch of herself with a wire brush and sleep until this whole demon thing was over and she could wake up to her less than pleasing somewhat normal existence of slaying demons that she could at least see.

Buffy was walking past Angel's room and she had just about made it past when the door opened.

"Buffy?" Came Angel's sleepy voice.

"Yeah it's me."

"You okay?"

"Yeah just real tired so I'll see you tomorrow 'kay?" Her voice wavered with the tears that threatened to betray her.

Buffy started towards her room again and had gotten maybe two steps down the hall when he was behind her. She scrunched her eyes closed and willed him to go back to his room but Angel simply slipped his arms around her shoulders and pressed himself slightly against her.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"What's to say?"

"Buffy talk to me."

Buffy's body tensed as she tried to tamp down the onslaught of emotion that coursed through her. She felt Angel kiss the top of her head and before the first tear had fallen Angel had steered her into his bedchamber. Buffy sat on the edge of Angel's bed and Angel went to turn on the light.

What he saw when he turned back to her broke his heart and infuriated him all at the same time. Buffy's face and hair was covered in dirt and sprayed in blood…human blood. _Oh god what happened._ She had cuts and bruises, her clothes were torn and bloodied and when he kneeled on the floor in front of her and placed his hands on her arms she winced in pain.

"What happened Buffy?"

"Riley, it was…he was possessed and so angry. He wanted to come back here and I said no and we fought."

"What possessed him?"

"Ha Nachash. This is all my fault and because of it Riley is going to die and the worst part is I don't care."

Buffy saw the look in Angel's eyes and she rephrased.

"Well I care that he is going to die just not the way I should care, not the way I would if it were you."

Buffy just sat on the edge of Angel's bed and waited for the speech but all Angel did was clean Buffy up, slip her into one of his shirts and tuck her under the cover's with him. Without another word Buffy fell asleep in the protective embrace of her Guardian Angel.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Close the door and leave the world behind you 

_Open the windows and listen to the breeze blow through the pines_

_Take a deep breath, what more can you do_

_ _

_Let the sun fall down all around you_

_Let the night surround you in a blanket of starlight_

_I'll whisper you a lullaby_

_Let the sun fall down_

_ _

_That old dark cloud acts like he knows you_

_He takes up too much time_

_Time you could be spending holding me_

_But he can't have you now_

_It's you and me here in this room_

_ _

_(Oh) Let the sun fall down all around you_

_Let the night surround you in a blanket of starlight_

_I'll whisper you a lullaby_

_Let the sun fall down_

_ _

_The world will keep on turning_

_It'll all be there come morning_

_So tonight_

_ _

_Let the sun fall down all around you_

_Let the night surround you in a blanket of starlight_

_I'll whisper you a lullaby_

_Let the sun fall down_

_ _

_(Oh) Let the sun fall down all around you_

_Let the night surround you in a blanket of starlight_

_I'll whisper you a lullaby_

_Let the sun fall down_

_ _

_*Let the Sun Fall Down by Kim Richey_

_ _

_ _

_ _


	10. Chapter 10 - Oh What Tangled Webs Pt 2

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 010

Author's Notes: Quotes from IWRY found at Sunlight and Shadow. Song lyrics by Incubus and Pink Floyd.

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 10 – Oh What A Tangled Web We Weave Part 2

Buffy woke mid-afternoon. She was grateful for the rest as she was near completely emotionally drained. She stretched languidly and her hand bumped against something solid. She looked over and found herself immensely relieved to see that it was Angel's sleeping form stretched out beside her. She couldn't help but smile at the way Angel had most of his face buried inside of the pillow. Not a problem for him considering the whole not having to breathe thing. 

He looked so peaceful and Buffy couldn't help but gently run her fingertips lightly over the smooth muscular contours of his back. She traced the lines of his tattoo and then reached up to run her fingers thru his thick soft hair. Using her nails she absentmindedly massaged his scalp.

Buffy was almost in a trance like state, her mind lost in thought. So lost in fact that she didn't hear Angel begin to purr beneath her ministrations. Buffy was thinking about what had happened with Riley. She knew she was going to have to face him again and she was probably going to regret letting him go much as she had when she first come up against Angelus and that move had cost her Jenny Calendar's life and her friends had been attacked. She wondered what the cost for her would be this time round. Buffy was so busy berating herself over Riley that she jumped when Angel had thrown his arm around her.

"Jesus Angel you scared me." She exclaimed as she smacked his shoulder.

Of course that earned her a little snarl and found Buffy pulled down and underneath Angel on the bed. Buffy gazed up into Angel's almost hypnotic chocolate-y depths. She reached up and caressed Angel's cheek and after a moment Angel lowered his head and gently captured Buffy's lips with his own. 

The kiss was sweet and soft and full of the naïve innocence that they had both lost with Buffy's virginity and Angel's soul and inside they both wept with the pure bliss of it. Moments like this is what made Buffy keep fighting. Angel deepened the kiss coaxing a response from Buffy. Their tongues melded together a moment and then Angel pulled back and kissed Buffy's forehead before sitting up.

"You hungry?"

"Mmmm food."

Angel couldn't help the chuckle that slipped past his lips at the goofy look Buffy suddenly got on her face.

"Alright you stay here and I'll be right back."

Angel was still chuckling as he headed out of his bedchamber and into the kitchen. He rooted through his cupboards to see what the others had brought for them to eat. He was concentrating so hard on his task that he didn't hear Willow come in behind him. Willow watched amusingly as Angel was trying to put together a tray of goodies for Buffy.

"Chocolate, peanut butter and cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream. Wow that's a healthy balanced meal." Willow observed with a wry grin. 

"The perfect yum." Angel mused to himself.

Angel had picked up the tray and was about to head back to the room when Willow's words stopped him.

"How did you know?"

"Know what?" Angel asks hoping he can find a way out of this.

"About what Buffy considers a 'perfect yum'? She only shared this with me Angel. It was our brood food when we were upset about Oz and…and well you. So I don't see how you could know this."

Willow was looking at Angel in bewilderment but she also had her resolve face on. He'd seen it before he knew what it meant.

"Willow." Angel near pleaded with a pained look in his eyes.

"Alright I'll let it go for now but don't think this is the end of this conversation."

With that Angel nodded and walked back into the bedroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As Buffy watches Angel bring the food to her in bed she couldn't help the sensation of deja-vu that settled over her. Angel sat on the bed with her and she surveyed the loot smiling.

"The perfect yum." She says as Angel cracks open the container of ice cream. "I can't believe you have cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream."

Buffy picks up a spoon and scoops out some ice cream and she closes her eyes as she savors the taste. Because her eyes are closed she doesn't see the pained look of remembrance that flashes across Angel's face. Even though as a vampire he has no taste buds he knows exactly what cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream tastes like. The memory of it is firmly engrained into his mind.

Buffy opens her eyes again and looks at Angel. She looks so happy and relaxed in this moment as she dips her spoon into the container again.

"Want some?" She asks as she holds the spoon out in his direction. Angel gently shakes his head no. "You don't know what you're missing."

'Oh if you only knew just how well I really do know exactly what I am missing and it's so much more than shared container's of sticky sweet ice cream.' Angel thought morosely as he took the spoon from her so he could feed her the decadent dessert. 

"What do you mean you know exactly what you're missing and it's so much more than sharing this ice cream?" Buffy asked.

Angel looked at Buffy in disbelief. He had forgotten about the bond that was allowing her to see into him. She had read his thoughts. For the first time since doing the ritual with Buffy Angel realized just how dangerous this bond could be.

"Well are you going to answer me Angel?"

However before Angel could answer the forgotten spoonful, which had been hovering over his bare chest, dripped the goopy cold substance onto his skin and he involuntarily sucked in a breath. Buffy watched with wide eyes as the ice cream dripped from the spoon again except to her it seemed as if time had slowed to a snails pace.

Buffy had a vision of herself leaning forward and licking the ice cream off Angel's chest…

~*

(They kiss and some ice cream drips from his spoon on his chest.) Angel"Ah, okay, mortal coordination leaving something to be desired." Buffy: "Wrong. It's just right." (Angel laughs as she licks up the ice cream then pulls her down into a kiss.) 

~*

Buffy looks at the tray of food beside Angel. She sees the chocolate and peanut butter and another memory hits her.

~*

Angel: "God, I love food." 

Buffy (feeds him some ice cream): "Food is good." 

Angel: "Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?" 

Buffy: "Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savor it then it would only hurt you, you know?"

~*

Buffy has tears in her eyes as she looks up at Angel and finally becomes aware that he is speaking to her.

"Buffy? Baby are you okay? Buffy talk to me. Buffy you're scaring me. BUFFY!"

Buffy closed her eyes as more pictures flashed in her mind.

~*

Buffy (her head on Angel's chest): "It's a good sound. Thump-thump. Thump-thump." 

Angel: "It feels pretty amazing."

Buffy: "And I don't need you skulking around, trying to protect me. Unless, of course, I'm in some gigantic fight to the death, which - I was last night. That was you, helping me, wasn't it?" 

Angel: "I was in the neighborhood - skulking." They have an uncomfortable confrontation, which is interrupted when a demon jumps through the window and attacks them. They manage to injure it, but it gets away. 

Buffy: "Friend of yours?" 

Angel: "Never saw it before." 

Buffy: "It was rude. We should go kill it." 

Angel: "I'm free." 

Angel: "I'm really sorry kissed you like that." 

Buffy: "You are?" 

Angel: "Well, not for the kiss itself..." 

Buffy: "Good. I mean, 'cause - as far as kisses go I thought it was well above average." They are determined to take things slow, not rush back together....

Buffy: "You know it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about 10 zillion times, because today would have been a real let down. - So how does the mature plan go? You call me? I call you? What?" 

Angel: "We stay in touch - just not..." 

Buffy: "Literally. – Funny." ...but that is all forgotten when their hands touch. Suddenly they're kissing, and Buffy is in Angel's arms, *on* the kitchen table... 

Buffy: "I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this. We'll make it work, right?" 

Angel: "We will." 

Buffy: "No, I - want to stay awake - so this day can keep happening." 

Angel: "Sleep. We'll make another one like it tomorrow." 

Buffy: "Angel? This is the first time I ever really felt this way." 

Angel: "What way?" 

Buffy: "Just like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect."

Angel is getting his butt kicked by the Mohra demon. Buffy shows up and saves him. He figures out that to kill the demon you have to smash the jewel in his forehead, and Buffy does so. The demon screams about the coming of the end of days as it dies and disappears. 

Angel returns to Buffy, telling her what will happen. 

Buffy (crying): "How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had?" 

Angel: "You won't. No one will know but me." 

Buffy: "Everything we did." 

Angel: "It never happened." 

Buffy: "It did. It did. I know it did! I felt your heart beat." 

Angel: "Buffy.." 

Buffy: "No! Oh God. It's not enough time." 

Angel (crying): "Shh, please. Please. Please, please." 

Buffy: "No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget." 

~*

The images came faster and faster until finally she knew what had really happened when she went to LA that fateful Thanksgiving. 

Buffy opens her eyes and looks at Angel and for a minute she swears she could see the warm flush of blood being pumped beneath his skin. Angel reaches out for Buffy but she backs away from him with lightening speed. She is silent a while longer while she pulls on clothes. Angel is pleading with her to talk to him. He is trying to read her but she has closed herself completely however there was no mistaking the waves of pain and anger that were just rolling off of her.

Angel made another advance towards Buffy and before he could touch her she reacted with deadly precision and had effectively sent Angel flying across the room and through the wooden door leaving him in a heap amidst the broken wooden shards of the door.

The noise had brought the others running, afraid that the battle had been brought to them unexpectedly. What they witnessed instead almost made them wish it were Ha Nachash.

Buffy advanced on Angel her voice dripping with ice and her words making Angel want to impale himself.

"You son of a BITCH. You did it again. You fucking did it again. We had it all in the palm of our hands, everything we have fought so damn hard for was finally ours and still you walk away. YOU GAVE IT BACK YOU…YOU…YOU ASSHOLE."

"Buffy what…I don't…"

"I remember Angel. I remember everything. Everything we said, everything we did, and everything you promised."

"Buffy please." Angel's eyes were filled with tears and they pleaded with her but Buffy held up her hand as a sign for Angel to stop talking, turned and stalked out of the room as music from the radio followed her as she made to head out into the night.

~

I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take

And exploding seems like definite possibility to me

So pardon me while I burst into flames

I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games

So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame

Pardon me, pardon me…I'll never be the same

(Pardon Me by Incubus)

~

Buffy pushed through the group of stunned onlookers. Xander grabbed a hold of her arm and in her blind fury she knocked him off of her with a vicious backhand that sounded with an audible crack. Xander, just like Angel found himself in a heap across the room the world having exploded in his head.

Giles stepped forward. He was outraged at Buffy's behavior as much as he was shocked by it. He pulled his glasses off of his face and stood tall. Every bit the man they knew he was.

"Buffy! This behavior is completely unacceptable."

Buffy turned around and the pain and anger that had blackened her once hazel eyes made Giles waver although only for a minute. He walked up to his charge and stood directly in her face staring at her a moment before grabbing her by the arm and dragging her back towards Angel's bedchamber.

Buffy was so shocked that Giles had done anything let alone grab her after what she had done to both Angel and Xander that Giles had actually gotten her down the hall and into the room before she reacted.

"You will stay in this room and figure out your differences with Angel and you will remain here until you do. Now is not the time for one of your childish tantrums.

Giles stood defiantly in the doorway daring Buffy to oppose him. He had expected that Buffy would do something but he wasn't prepared for the extent to which she'd go. Buffy walked over to her Watcher, the man she had grown to think of as her father and stood inches away from his face.

"Move Giles."

Giles held his ground.

"We can either do this the easy way or the hard way."

Giles remained standing in the doorway determined to call Buffy's bluff. After a moment Buffy lowered her head and Giles thought he had won.

"Giles I don't want to hurt you." The pain was evident in her voice, she sounded so small and fragile.

Giles sighed in relief and Buffy looked up at him with black eyes, her mouth turned up in a smirk that was entirely too reminiscent of Angelus and she reached out and took Giles' hand in her own.

"But that doesn't mean that I won't."

It wasn't until Buffy was outside and far away from the mansion that she allowed herself to scream, a scream that echoed in Angel's soul.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Willow urged the group to leave and go back downstairs leaving her alone with Angel in the hallway. There were tears flowing down Angel's cheeks and he had a shocked look on his face and he hadn't moved a muscle since Buffy had landed him on his ass.

"Angel?"

Willow crouched down on the floor beside him and took his hand into her own and Angel visibly jumped as if shocked back into reality.

"Wi-ill-ow?" Her name came out as a pained whisper and it broke Willow's heart to hear it.

With some coaxing Willow managed to get Angel to his feet. She took him into the room across from his own, simply because it had a door and she was betting on Angel wanting privacy. She got him over onto the bed and she was covering him with the blanket.

"Need some help luv?"

Willow turned to see Spike standing in the doorway. She smiled at him and shook her head.

"Only thing I need is maybe a little snack for Angel."

"Consider it done."

Spike left Willow to try and get Angel to drink and he went out in search of the slayer.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy had wandered around the streets of Sunnydale trying desperately to get a grip on the emotions that were raging through her. Buffy not only remembered everything that had happened she had gotten the 3-D version. It was if her body had relived the day. She remembered the feel of Angel's heartbeat beneath her fingers; she could taste the ice cream she had licked off Angel's chest, she remembered the way Angel had looked standing in the brilliant sunshine and she could still hear the gut wrenching sobs of grief that ripped through the both of them.

The feelings were so intense that when she stumbled across a nest of vampires her anger and rage and confusion became her driving force in decimating the lot in record time, even for her. Buffy crouched and plunged her stake in the heart of what she thought was her last vampire when she felt one behind her. She turned and brought herself back up to a standing position at the same time. She raised her stake to the ready when she saw who was standing behind her.

"Go away Spike I am so not in the mood."

"Buffy what happened at the mansion?"

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Come on Buffy. You knock Peaches through the wall, which is always a good time, you been Xander and you threaten to do some major heavy damage to your Watcher. What gives Pet, what did Angel do that has you wound tighter than usual."

"Spike I am warning you…"

"Alright pet. When you feel like talking…I'm here okay."

Buffy continued to walk around following her usual patrol route and eventually found herself at the Bronze. She was still burning with nervous energy and she thought maybe she could lose herself in the music. The beat of the music vibrated into her as she made her way to the dance floor. 

The tears slipped down her cheeks as she danced as if her very existence depended on it. No one went near her. Everyone just let the girl with her torn heart held before her to her solitude. Her soul cried out in anguish at the intensity of Angel's pain. The bond was allowing her to feel him as if the raw wounds in his heart were her own and by some right they were.

Buffy paid no mind to the pair of eyes that tracked her every move. She knew that someone was watching her, someone other than Spike but she didn't show that she knew or if she did that she cared. She continued to dance, desperately tried to forget. She closed her eyes and moved with the rhythm that pulsated through the Bronze.

The minion, sent by Riley/Ha Nachash began to advance on Buffy. Spike watched carefully ready to make a move.

_~_

_Day after day love turns gray_

_Like the skin of the dying man_

_And night after night we pretend it's all right_

_And I have grown older and you have grown colder_

_And nothing is very much fun anymore_

_And I can feel one of my turns coming on_

_I feel cold as a razor blade_

_Tight as a tourniquet, dry as a funeral drum_

_ _

The minion was just about to grab a hold of Buffy when her eyes pooped open and she began to fight with everything in her.

_Run to the bedroom in the suitcase on the left_

_You'll find my favorite axe_

_ _

Buffy spun round and delivered a perfectly aimed roundhouse to the demons chest. He stumbled back with fear flashing in his eyes.

_Don't look so frightened _

_This is just a passing phase one of my better days_

_ _

The demon punched out towards Buffy and she grabbed his wrist and used his own momentum to propel him into the nearby wall.

_Would you like to watch tv_

_Or get between the sheets_

_Or contemplate this silent freeway_

_Would you like something to eat?_

_Would you like to learn to fly?_

_Would ya?_

_Would you like to see me try?_

_ _

Buffy continued to rain blows atop of the confused and stunned vampire. She focused all her emotion, channeling it into the kill. The minion stopped fighting her and was desperately trying to find a way to escape with his unlife.

_Would you like to call the cops?_

_Do you think it's time I stopped?_

_Why are you running away?_

*_One of my Turns by Pink Floyd (The Wall)_

_ _

He finally twisted away from the enraged Slayer and he bolted across the room but he stopped at the doorway and looked back at her for just one moment. In that moment he saw the Slayer upend a chair and snap the leg and with an evil smirk she hurled it across the distance between them to imbed it deeply into his chest. The minion looked from the chair leg protruding from his chest to the Slayer before exploding into nothing more than a cloud of gray ash.

Buffy then silently turned and melted into the crowd. She slipped out the back door and disappeared into the shadows. Falling away from Spike's mindful eye. 

Not wanting to go to the mansion and knowing that they would undoubtedly look at her mother's Buffy found herself in front of Angel's old apartment. She quietly slipped inside the building and discreetly popped the lock of the door. She could still feel Angel in this room even after all these years. With a tiredness in her that she had never felt before Buffy made her way to the bed that she and Angel once shared and collapsed atop of it and sobbed her way into a fitful sleep wrought with dreams of a day that never existed except in hers and Angel's minds.


	11. Chapter 11 - Consequences

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga chapter 011

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 011 – Consequences

Giles was worried when Buffy didn't come back to the mansion. Which isn't to say that he wasn't worried when Buffy had her little outburst and stormed out in the first place. The group had become very sullen and quiet and had all buried their noses into books if only to take their mind off what had happened. Well all except Xander who was floating in and out of consciousness and Angel who was in his room trying to deal with his grief.

No one knew where it was that Buffy had gone. Spike had tracked her as far as the Bronze but she had managed to slip away from him in the wake of her battle with one of Ha Nachash's minions. So it was a rather large shock to every one when Buffy walked into the mansion mid-afternoon.

"Buffy I uh I'm glad you're here." Giles stammered looking up from the stake he was carving.

"Are we ready?"

"Ready?"

"For battle Giles or did you forget about the mist demon that is trying to see the birth of a new Slayer not that it would happen before it could decimate the city of course but…you see what I'm getting at here?"

Of course the gang had done nothing but diligently prepare for the impending battle and now they were all tired and Buffy's attitude was not appreciated. Giles pulled his glasses off and stood to his full height resting one hand on his hip.

"Now see here. Your friends have been here all night researching and preparing while you have been god knows where and you waltz in here with not an apology for your behavior but rather a condescending attitude. If you don't appreciate what we do then do it yourself." Giles spat out thrusting the partially carved stake into Buffy's hand and walked away.

Buffy looked at the piece of wood in her hand and then towards the kitchen in the direction of her Watcher. Buffy, slumping her shoulders in weary resignation followed Giles. She hadn't expected today to be easy but she didn't think it would be this hard either.

"Look Giles I'm sorry okay. I am major stressed, big time wigged and I just want this to be over. You know plunge and move on. This is all getting to be too much and now the whole Angel thing. I have faith in you guys, I may not always show that I do but I know that without a doubt each person under this roof is a reason while I'm still breathing. I couldn't fathom doing this without you. Please forgive me I'm…I'm just so…I'm scared Giles."

Buffy slumped against the counter and buried her face in her hands trying to overcome the intensifying urge to scream for all she was worth. It wasn't a moment later that she felt Giles put his arms around her and pull her forward into his embrace. She readily nuzzled into the safety of his arms like a child being comforted by her father.

"We'll get through this Buffy. We always do. We have a good team here. Things will work themselves out in the end. I…I promise."

As Giles placed a chaste kiss to Buffy's head she allowed herself to believe in fairytales and happy endings just one last time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy having made peace with Giles still needed to mend a few more fences. She walked into the room where Xander was laid out and she cautiously made her approach. Anya however stepped in between her and Xander a look of pure hatred on her face.

"Haven't you done him enough damage?"

"I uh I wanted to apologize."

"You really believe that you can take away his pain with words?"

(Insert B/A theme here because it's a sad tune and this a sappy moment)

Anya let Buffy pass although she was muttering about wishing she had her powers back and Buffy walked over to the bed where Xander was laying down. She sat down on the bed beside him and reached out for his hand. She slipped her fingers along his, her thumb rubbing circles on his palm. His eyes were closed and he showed no signs that he knew she was even there.

Buffy looked over at his face and saw the mottled blue and purple bruises that surrounded his eye and cheek and she cringed. She reached her hand out and gently touched his face. 

"Oh Xander did I really do this to you? I…I am so sorry. I never ever meant to hurt you. God I am such a shit. You all would have been so much better off if you had never met me. My life is nothing but shadows and darkness. You should know a world that shines. I wish you never had to know that the monsters under your bed really do exist and they really will eat you. All I ever do is hurt you no matter how hard I try not to. I love you Xander and oh fuck I am just now getting Angel's leaving you for your own good speech. Ironic huh? I need you Xander no matter what I have ever said. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

Buffy leaned over a kissed Xander softly on the mouth and lightly caressed the side of his face, her tears splashing softly on his cheeks.

"I may be the Slayer but I'm nothing without my friends." She whispered and then slipped out of the room. 

She never noticed the tear that slipped down Xander's cheek to mix with hers as he watched her walk away. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy had made amends with everyone except Angel. She knew that eventually she was going to have to face him but she had absolutely no idea how she was going to cope with that. She was grateful that so far he had kept his distance. However the time was fast approaching that he would come to her. She could feel it in her like a sense of foreboding. 

~

All I do

I can still feel you

Numb all through

I can still feel you

Hear your call

Underneath it all

Kill my brain

Yet you still remain

Crucified

After all I've died

After all I've tried

You are still inside

All I do

I can still feel you

You remain

I am stained*Underneath it All by Nine Inch Nails

~

Buffy was out in the garden when he finally came to her. She was watching the moonlight shining brightly in the clear midnight sky. She had felt his decision to talk to her and she had been expecting him although it did nothing to quell the emotions of anger and disgust and fear that rose in her throat like bile. She had questions but she was terrified of the answers.

She had her back to him when he stepped into the courtyard but the fact that she visibly tensed was not lost on Angel. He decided not to bother her and was going to turn and leave when she spoke to him.

"You have to face me sooner or later Angel."

Her voice was quiet and filled with so many emotions that he was having a hard time determining just exactly what her mood was. Angel stopped and waited for her to say something else. She did not disappoint.

"So are you going to stand there all night staring at the back of me or are you going to face me like the man you pretend to be?"

If Buffy had been looking at Angel she would have seen him reel back from her as if she had slapped him, her words like a physical blow. The soul crushing pain coursing through him was weighing heavily on Buffy but she resisted the urge to go to him.

"I uh…I." Angel was fighting to get the words past the tears in his throat.

"Buffy I am so…"

"If you say you're sorry I will stake you myself." Buffy snapped.

"Then what do you want me to say?"

Buffy turned on him and again he reeled back except this time it was from the soul deep agony he could see reflected in her eyes and etched on her face.

"You could tell me why? You could explain to me how you could take the precious gift we were given and throw it away? Do you really like this broody self-defeatist self-flagellating bullshit existence of yours that much? Are you telling me that you would rather spend an eternity without me than spend more than one day in my arms as a human man?"

Angel was struggling, trying to find the words to make Buffy understand why he had to do it and he could feel Buffy trying to read his thoughts. Angel was so flustered with the whole thing that he hadn't the control over his mind he usually had. This wasn't the same as when Buffy had the aspect of the demon and had temporarily possessed the power of telepathy. No Buffy held a piece of Angel firmly inside of her, which apparently gave her an all access backstage pass to his heart, his mind and his soul.

"You would have died Buffy." Angel said solemnly.

"Yeah well I'm dying inside anyway or does that not matter? Huh? As long as physically she's okay who the fuck cares what it does to her mentally and yeah a mentally imbalanced Slayer is exactly what the Hellmouth needs. I would have thought one psycho Slayer was enough. You do remember Faith right? Dark hair, my height, slayer by trade but hooked up with the mayor and tried to destroy the city and kill us both."

"Buffy I did what I thought was right. I wasn't going to sacrifice your life for mine."

"Why couldn't you have at least talked to me…something…anything instead of running off half cocked and making such a huge decision on your own?"

Angel could hear the frustration in her voice but he was starting to get a little annoyed here. He gave up everything for her and she didn't want to see the big picture here at all.

"You aren't being fair Buffy. You expect that I should have come to you so you could do just exactly this to me. You wouldn't have been rational about it."

"Yea cuz I forgot about how much of a child I am. I can kill vamps and destroy demons. I can be trusted to make the right decisions to stop apocalyptic prophesies from destroying the world but I can't be trusted to at least be kept in the loop where we're concerned. That's balanced." Buffy snapped.

Angel was beginning to loose his temper as Buffy paced at the far end of the garden.

"Buffy the point is that they said you would have died. I couldn't be there for you, to protect you. I didn't want to loose you." Angel said angrily and a little loudly. He was pretty much shouting at her.

Buffy stopped pacing and spun to face him. 

"No you just opted to throw me away." Buffy yelled.

Buffy turned and punched the wall in frustration. She then slid down the wall to sit in a heap on the cold stone floor.

"You think I don't get this that I only see things in black and white but you're wrong. I can see the in between shades of gray."

"Buffy…"

"No listen to me Angel. You walked away from me in my best interest but have you ever given any thought to what I want, to what you want? The Mohra said together we are strong apart we are dead doesn't that carry any weight with you?"

"DAMN IT BUFFY. I DID THIS, ALL OF THIS TO PROTECT YOU. DOES THAT NOT MEAN ANYTHING?" Angel raged in frustration.

"You used to protect me just fine here in Sunnydale. In fact you used to make it a habit of almost stalking me on my patrols just in case."

"That's before we got…before…damn it why are you being so difficult."

"Fine you did it to protect me. You broke up with me and walked away without a word to protect me. You went off to god knows where leaving me with no way to contact you to protect me. You stay out of my life because it hurts too much to protect me. You gave up our happily ever after to protect me."

Buffy got up and walked right up to Angel and standing inches away from him, feeling his breath on her face she looked into his eyes and asked…

"Answer me this Angel, if you live in LA and you keep me at arms length and you can't bare to be in the same city as me let alone the same room then how exactly are you protecting me? Or should I ask who are you protecting me from?"

Buffy then headed out of the garden but stopped in the doorway.

"You gave it all up because they said I would die. Angel I could die tonight…"

"Don't say that. Don't you _ever _say that."

"I'm the Slayer I could die tonight. You didn't want to fight for us, for our happiness." She paused a moment. "I guess you can't fight what you no longer believe in." 

Buffy stood in the doorway long enough for Angel to see the first tear slip down her cheek and then she was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"She's right you know."

Angel whipped around to see who had spoken to him but there was nobody there.

"She could die tonight, next week or 60-70 years from now. No one knows for sure. The Powers like to think they are omnipotent and for the most part they are but this…this they have no control over."

Angel could barely control his emotions as Whistler stepped out of the shadows.

"So they duped me? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Not exactly. I'm just saying that maybe they lead you to believe that you were worthless to her as a man. Kind of like a test to see what you would give up for her."

Whistler stepped past Angel and stood in the doorway where he could see Buffy, her tears glistening brightly in the light that reflected off of her face. 

"But look at her man. Sure you could protect her in the I'm gonna rip your arm off and beat you with it if you touch her kind of way but who's going to protect her from you or better yet herself?"

"What do you mean?" Angel asked.

"Everyone has been going on about what's good for Buffy and everyone has jumped on the Angel's bad for Buffy bandwagon including your broody self but when they look at you and her they only see what's on the surface. They see it as Angel – vampire Buffy – vampire Slayer therefore Angel is no good for Buffy. Angel hurt Buffy therefore Angel is bad. What nobody is paying any attention to is what's beneath the surface. No one has bothered to get to the heart of the matter."

"The heart of the matter and that would be?"

"Aren't you listening?" At Angel's confused look Whistler shook his head and sighed. "Her heart."

He let Angel think about for a minute before continuing.

"See Slayer's are different…"

"Ya think?" Angel sniped.

"Slayer's do everything all the way because they never know when they will meet the big bad that takes them down. So they fight to kill, they live each day as if it's their last and if they fall in love it's for keeps. You have been vacationing on this little guilt trip for so long that you actually believe in it. Now you got the rest of these hypocrites singing your song and well the result is a Slayer dealing with some major issues the least of which is the cosmic mind fuck that "fate" keeps giving her."

"I don't understand."

"When I first showed Buffy to you I told you she was going to have it hard. Buffy has it harder than any other Slayer ever has with the possible exception of our Faith. Most Slayers are taken as children by the Council and raised to believe certain things about themselves like Slayers don't have friends or family or lovers. A Slayer is all about the kill, primal like the beast they stalk. Most wouldn't give boys a second thought although truth be told most Slayers are called in their early teens and don't live a year past their activation date.

Our girl Buffy was lost in the system and by the time they found her it was too late. She had developed her own personality and lifestyle and ideas about who and what she was. She was already 15 and she learned about her destiny the day it fell in her lap attached to a stake. Even her training was unconventional. Her first Watcher had his own ideas and didn't follow Council standards so by the time our British Watcher comes along Buffy well to say she was a headstrong handful would be the understatement of the year.

Buffy broke all the rules from the very start so why shouldn't she try to continue having some sort of a life outside of slaying but having friends and keeping them alive is harder than you think. They all take it for granted including her Watcher. Buffy has been fooling them for so long now that they simply expect nothing less now. You simply threw a wrench into the works. 

You like Buffy are the odd one out. A vamp with a soul, ostracized from the human and demon community. It was set up that the two of you meet however the Powers did not see you two falling in love. They really believed they had it all under control and you showed them they don't. 

Slayers are strong but there is only some much they can take and our girl…she's about to collapse under the strain."

Angel was quiet a moment and then he asked a question of Whistler.

"You said her friends were hypocrites. Why?"

Whistler chuckled. "You have a Witch caught up between another Witch and a Werewolf, a human dating an ex-demon turned human a Watcher who allows a vampire to take up residence with him not to mention the affinity Joyce had with him and in your crew you have a seer who was in love with the half demon who gave her the visions, a former Watcher who hangs out in demon karaoke bars and a rogue vamp/demon hunter. They are the very definition of odd and they are going to look down their noses at a vampire and a slayer being together.

Think carefully here Angel. This battle you are stepping into is going to be big and things are going to happen. Things you might not be able to get past. What you do know could have a major impact later. Think about it."

Angel thought about that a minute and he realized that Whistler was right. Willow, Tara, Oz and Xander, Anya and Cordelia all had no ground to stand on. It was like the proverbial pot calling the proverbial kettle black. Angel got a look of determination on his face and marched into the room where Buffy was sitting on the couch trying to collect herself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy felt him coming in her direction and she looked up at the doorway to the garden. She saw Angel standing there staring at her a moment and then he was walking towards her.

"Buffy we need to talk…"

Suddenly Giles burst into the room.

"All right everybody this is the moment of truth. Gather the weapons and supplies the battle is upon us. Ha Nachash is ready to fight."

"How do you know Giles?" Buffy asked.

"Just a hunch." Was his reply as he held up a note that had been tacked to Angel's front door with a flaming crossbow bolt that was still smoldering in Giles' hand.

Buffy got to her feet and looked Angel in the eye.

"Was there something you needed to say to me?" She asked wearily.

"Nothing that can't wait."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah let's go kick some demon ass back to hell."

Buffy turned away from Angel and he was unable to see the look of regret marring her delicate features. She grabbed her slay bag and was heading out the door.

"See cosmic mind fuck courtesy of fate and destiny." Whistler muttered to himself.

Suddenly Angel grabbed a hold of Buffy's arm and spun her round to face him. He pulled her close to him and held fast to her arms leaning his forehead against hers.

"I need you to know before you get out there that…that I love you. Fight to kill and come back home to me."

Angel then brought his mouth down over Buffy's and kissed her for all he was worth. When they pulled apart Buffy touched her fingers to Angel's lips.

"I love you too. I need you to come back to me Angel. Promise me."

"I promise."

Another quick kiss and he was out the door.

Whistler watched as Buffy stood there, eyes closed, as if memorizing everything about that moment. Her eyes opened and something flashed in those Hazel orbs. She then turned and headed out to the battle that awaited her.

"Well who'd a guessed that a vampire could breathe life into a Slayer." Whistler mussed to himself as he thought about the flash he'd seen in Buffy's eyes. One kiss from Angel had brought the life back to her eyes. "Something tells me Fate's in for a big surprise." 

And then the mansion was empty and quiet and the streets were alive with the sounds of the Slayer's battle cry, her Angel at her back.


	12. Chapter 12 - the essence of the Slayer

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 012

First of all I would like to take this opportunity to extend my heart, love and prayers to all those who are struggling with loss and those struggling to move forward in the wake of the horrific tragedy that befell not only Americans but the world. I hope you find the hope and courage and strength you need to continue on. I will always remember where I was on Tuesday September 11, 2001.

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 012 – The Essence of the Slayer

As Buffy followed her crew, her family out into battle she hoped that everyone remembered the plan they had devised only very early that morning. Willow and Tara were to perform the ritual spell that would vanquish Ha Nachash and Oz would be their power center. Everyone else had been instructed to watch each other's backs and fight to kill. Most of all they were told that Riley was not Riley anymore and that they were not to trust him and to defend themselves readily.

Buffy only hoped she could once again plunge her sword through another lover. Her head and heart were muddled and confused with a barrage of emotions barreling through her. She'd had so much happen to her in such a short amount of time that she hadn't been able to process it all much less deal with any of it. Truth be told she had been in somewhat of a daze since this whole thing started. She only hoped that when it mattered the most she would come through for those that mean the most to her.

She was still contemplating that when she saw the first of Ha Nachash's demon warriors strike a blow against Xander and Cordelia.

It was in that moment that time stopped for Buffy. In the second the demon had Cordelia in it's decomposing paw and she had heard the meaty smack of the other paw colliding with Xander as he came to Cordy's aid everything stopped. Buffy reached deep inside of herself. She waded through the doubt and guilt and sadness and uncertainty. She pushed past the fear and self-pity until she found the anger. It was her anger, her inner demon and she drew on that, drank from it until it burned through her like fire in her veins.

Angel had turned to see Cordy and Xander attacked and saw Buffy just standing there. He couldn't understand why she wasn't doing anything and he started to head in their direction when Buffy looked up and he could swear he saw Buffy eye's burn amber a moment before she moved faster than he had ever seen her move before. In the blink of an eye she had covered the distance between her and her friends and she had decimated the demon and then moved on to cut through the demons and vampires that still loomed before them. 

Buffy left in her wake a bloody twitching trail of demon corpses and vampire ash. Giles and Angel watched in awe as Buffy became the visceral warrior the Slayer was born to be, her animalistic battle cry resonating through the blackened sky striking fear into the hearts of her enemy.

When Ha Nachash's number's had been depleted sufficiently Buffy returned to instruct her group. She stood before them covered in blood, dirt and ash. Her clothes torn, her skin covered in abrasions and bruises. Her eyes still glinted gold, her breathing was coming quick and her body quaking as the adrenaline still fiercely pumped through her tiny frame. 

Angel watched as Buffy delegated her troops for the second phase of their attack. She had come full circle and had become the Slayer she was meant to be. She was a vision of exquisite perfection. _I'd love you even if you were covered in slime._

"Okay Wills, Tara, Oz I need you to work the voodoo you do so well. Spike and Giles watch them. Kill anything that threatens them, protect them at all costs."

"With my life." Spike affirmed.

Buffy ran her fingers through her matted hair and turned to the others.

"Okay guys this is the moment of truth. Angel and I will take down Ha Nachash. I need the rest of you to make sure nothing sneaks up from behind. I don't know what else the bastard has up his sleeve so be careful. Attacks can come from all side including above and below. Protect yourselves, I expect you all to still be standing when this is over."

Buffy looked over at Angel.

"That goes for you too. I expect you won't do anything foolish. We have unfinished business. I've already been to hell and back for you I don't relish doing it again."

Buffy started to walk away but after a few steps she paused.

"But I would, in a heartbeat I would. I love you."

Angel felt his eyes tear and his undead heart clench at her words.

"I love you too Ionuin, a ghra mo chroi"

"That's beautiful. What does that mean?"

"You'll have to come through this alive to find out now won't you."

Buffy grabbed her weapons and headed towards her destiny. Angel and the others followed spread out and a little ways behind her so that they would have the element of surprise if need be.

Buffy clutched her broadsword in her hand as she marched towards Ha Nachash's lair. It was the same sword she'd used when she had sent Angel spiraling to hell. Acathla had since been destroyed so no other overachieving demon could play 'let's destroy the earth'. Buffy had kept the sword for reason's unknown to even herself except this compulsion that demanded she keep it. 

The weight of it was comfortable and familiar in her grip as she walked and remembered the conversation she'd had with Giles in private a few days earlier, just before she had discovered Angel's latest secrets.

~

"Buffy can we talk a minute?"

"Yeah sure Giles."

Giles led Buffy out to the garden where they could speak in relative privacy. When they were seated and Giles was satisfied that they were alone he turned to Buffy and looked her in the eye a moment a wondered if he could really have this conversation with her.

"What is it Giles? What's going on?"

Buffy could see the look in her Watcher's eyes and knew whatever it was he was going to say it would be serious. Her suspicions were confirmed when Giles took his glasses off and nervously wiped away non-existent dirt almost compulsively. Buffy reached her hand out and placed it atop of Giles's hands. He stopped wiping his glasses and looked up into Buffy's eyes, tears glistening brightly.

"Tell me."

"The only way for Willow and Tara to use the ritual Ha Nachash must be removed from the host's body. The only way to do that I'm afraid is to kill the host body. You have to kill Riley in order to kill Ha Nachash. He knew that and that is why he chose someone from your group."

"You are absolutely positive that killing Riley is the only way?"

"We have researched everything on this demon and it is very clear about this. When this demon infects a host body it's like a disease and the host body must be completely destroyed. There is no way to remove the entity with severe damage sustained to the host and there is not much guarantee that he would survive anyway."

Buffy swallowed back all she was feeling. She had been here before. She had faced this very moment already and she had come through. She would do it again. She had to.

With a look of hard determination glinted in her eyes she turned to Giles and flatly stated.

"All right then, I kill Riley."

Buffy stood up and walked towards the wall. She didn't want Giles to see the tears that were forming in her eyes. She was breathing deeply trying desperately to keep the hysterical sobs she felt in her chest at bay. She was the Slayer. She was strong. She fought demons no matter the form they presented themselves in. She had killed Angel for the sake of the world so realistically she could kill Riley. She was the Slayer. She was strong. Right?

Buffy felt Giles presence directly behind her and he barely had placed his hand on her shoulder in a show of support when she turned and fell into him. Her legs had buckled under the strain of her own weight and Giles had just barely able to pull her into him as he gently lowered them both to the ground, Buffy's tears soaking his shirt as he rocked his Slayer like the child she never got to be.

Slayer and Watcher sat on the dank cold floor of Angel's wilted and dark garden and they clung to one another, both lost in their tears as the mourned for all they had lost because of their calling, both crying over what they stood to loose in the battle that loomed before them.

~

Buffy had held out hope that Riley could have somehow been spared but Giles had told her what she dreaded to hear. It didn't matter now. Nothing mattered now except ending this. Buffy knew from heart wrenching experience that wishful thinking and prayers to gods did nothing to change the reality of the situation. 

Buffy walked up to the front door to Ha Nachash's lair. Three vamp guards stepped forward licking their lips hungrily.

"Well I am impressed princess. Didn't think you would get this far but I'm awful glad you did cuz sitting here waiting to see if you'd show has made me really hungry." 

"If you think you can handle this then step right up."

The vamp started to advance on her, the other two hanging back.

"Oh come on don't be shy or don't you think you handle little ole me?"

The other two vamps closed in on her as well and Buffy dropped into a fighting stance. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Willow and Tara had set up the supplies they needed for the ritual in the clearing where Buffy had left them. They had busied them selves preparing and waiting for the signal from Buffy to begin. It was the waiting part that was killing them. 

Willow was worried for Buffy. She knew that this whole thing had been weighing heavily on her and that when this was over nothing was ever going to be the same again…for any of them. She hastily brushed away a tear that had leaked out of the corner of her eye. 

She hadn't let anyone know that participating in the bonding ritual with Buffy and Angel had somehow given her a connection to Buffy. She could feel what Buffy was feeling. It wasn't a clear connection like what Angel had with Buffy but it was there none the less and it made this whole thing all the more frightening for Willow and now the moment of truth so close at hand Willow was near trembling in her overwhelming feelings of fear and doubt.

Willow near jumped out of her skin when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her waist. She tensed ready to fight but then she relaxed as she realized whom it was that held her so securely.

"Oz." She breathed.

"Hey, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Oz spun Willow in his embrace and lifted her face to his own. His eyes searched hers and he cradled her face in his palms.

"You don't look fine Red." He said as he wiped away another telltale tear from her delicate cheek.

"I'm fine really just leave it okay."

"Willow you can't fool me."

"Oz just drop it okay. I'm not doing this now. See this, this is resolve face. You've seen it before, you know what it means."

Oz continued to stare into her eyes saying nothing. She tried to remain impassive but her resolve broke and her face scrunched up and her tears came forth and Oz pulled her into his sheltering arms and held her close until the waves of despair and grief were manageable again.

When Willow's tears had stopped and her trembling ceased she looked up into the face of her heart's fiercest love. She knew that after the battle she would have plenty of her own issues to work through. 

"Feel better?" Oz smiled down at her. Gods I love you.

"Yeah much. Thank you." Gods I love you.

Willow reached her hand up and caressed his face and he closed his eyes and turned into her touch. It had been so long that either of them had really had the simple pleasure of being just like this and they both missed it and each other fiercely. So much so that the next thing Willow knew Oz's mouth had covered her own and she was lost in the healing touch of his kiss as they tumbled backwards to the ground.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy brushed the latest bit of vampire ash from her.

"Why the hell can't they ever explode downwind?" She grumbled to herself.

She pushed open the door and surveyed the area. She knew the Ha Nachash had Riley's military experience and he also knew at least some of her moves. 

Good thing I have a whole new bag of tricks then. She thought to herself as she crept stealthily down the halls keeping to the shadows.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel and his group had situated themselves outside in clusters of two just to be safe. Four eyes were better than two. When Angel was sure they were set up as per Buffy's instructions Angel headed in towards Riley's/Ha Nachash's lair.

As he covered the distance between himself and the building he remembered what Giles had told him.

~

"Angel Riley must be killed in order for the ritual to work. If Buffy can't do it then you must."

"So then there's a bright side to this ordeal." Angel quipped imaging rending the boy in the most painful way possible.

Giles gave Angel a stern look and Angel was instantly penitent. Well at least outwardly he was, inside his demon was rejoicing.

~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy had made her way towards the antechamber and stopped just outside the doors.

"Angel? Angel can you hear me?"

"I can hear you Buffy. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm outside the antechamber. I'm going in. How close are you?"

"Turn around."

Buffy turned to see Angel heading up the hall towards her. She reached out and took his hand and gave it a little squeeze before watching him melt into the shadows. Buffy then leaped straight up and flipped herself up onto the balcony ledge just above the entranceway. 

Buffy pressed her ear to the door and she could hear voices inside but they sounded distant. She held her sword at the ready and carefully opened the door. She checked the upper balcony of the room for minions and saw that there was none although there was a convergence of demons on the floor below her. 

She was suspicious though of the extreme lack of guards that would prevent an attack form above. Before she could decide what she was going to do a somewhat familiar voice drifted up to her.

"Ah Buffy. I was wondering when you would get here."

Riley's voice came through although distorted with the demons own voice. The sound their two blended voices made sent shivers up Buffy's spine. It was something akin to nails on a chalkboard.

"Well I'm sorry if I've kept you waiting."

"Join me won't you?"

"I'll be right down."

Buffy tossed her sword into the air and then vaulted herself over the wooden railing. She sailed through the air and landed steadily in a crouched position and when she stood she caught her sword in a move of pure grace. Her every movement was fluid, her body lithe and predator like. Confidence radiated off of her and her eyes glinted with a determined anger as she swung her sword to the ready.

Buffy stood before Ha Nachash and stared at him through Riley's eyes.

"How does it feel to know you're going to die?" She asked almost absentmindedly.

Buffy wasn't surprised when the demons laughter echoed throughout the hall. Demons all did think themselves omnipotent.

"I could ask you the same." He chuckled. "Because I most certainly am not going to die."

He gave a motion with his hand and several of the demons and vampires skirting the edge of the room began to creep forward. Buffy moved with lightening speed and ducked down as the first made to grab her. She shot her leg out and knocked the demon to the ground and was upright just as the second demon grabbed her from behind the third, a vampire, coming at her from the front.

Buffy leaned back against the demon that restrained her and kicked her legs up at the vampire hooking one foot around the back of its neck and the other at his chin and simultaneously kicking and twisting violently. The sickening crack of the bones breaking viciously was only outdone by the fleshy sound of skin tearing as the vampires head was pulled clean from his shoulders. 

When Buffy had her feet planted on the ground once more she flung her head back reveling in the satisfying loud crunch of bones giving way beneath the weight of her head. The force of the blow made the demon let go his crushing grip on her arms. Buffy immediately spun and lodged her fist into the beast's throat, its windpipe collapsing with the blow. She then reached down and retrieved her lost sword and took pity on the useless bleeding creature before her and beheaded it.

She casually walked over the first demon she had dropped. It was lying on its back and Buffy nudged it with her foot.

"Come on wakey-wakey."

Ha Nachash regarded her curiously.

"Why do you want it to wake? Wouldn't you rather kill it while it isn't able to defend itself?"

"Nah."

The demon opened its eyes and gazed into the Slayer's face a moment before she plunged the sword into its head.

"I want them to see it coming."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel was in the shadows on the outskirts of the room waiting for the moment Buffy needed him. Although he had to admit she was handling herself pretty well. He had opened himself totally to her so that she could draw strength from him if necessary. He was concentrating so hard on Buffy that he didn't hear the demon slip up behind him until it was too late to do anything to defend himself from the blow.

"Buffy!!!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy heard Angel's plea but it never showed on her face. She wouldn't show weakness. She wouldn't give him any fuel against her. Buffy instead closed her eyes and reached down inside of her self and again found that anger. She went further than that though she reached into Angel and drew from him. She drew from his strength, his love and from his demon. 

"I take into myself all that my soul's bound mate is. I draw on his strength, I draw on his love and I draw on the darkest core of his being. Let two become one our energies fused. Let our souls unite."

When her eyes opened again they blazed the golden amber of Angelus as she pulled his demon into herself. She set her glare upon the remaining minions and before they could run they were slaughtered. Angelus bellowed heartily, reveling in the kill. Demon blood ran a new down Buffy's arms, once again seeping into her clothing as she turned to Ha Nachash.

"Well it would seem that it's just you and me." Buffy hooked her fallen sword with her toe and flicked it upwards into her hands.

"It would appear that way wouldn't it, however you shouldn't always believe what you see." 

Without giving Buffy time to understand his little riddle he lunged forward his fist connecting with her cheek and sending her reeling backwards. Buffy however quickly righted herself and the two battled it out in a flying frenzy of kicks and twists and punches and a myriad of weapons, makeshift and otherwise, at their disposal.

The confrontation raged for what seemed like hours before Ha Nachash had Buffy pinned in a corner her own sword being waved in her face. Buffy was tired and bone weary. She wasn't going to last much longer if she didn't catch a break soon. However as she sat crouched on the floor before Ha Nachash in his gluttonous bragging of his impending defeat of the Slayer

"So here it ends. No weapon, no friends, no hope." He says eerily quoting Angelus from years ago as he waves the tip of the sword in her face. "So what do you have left?"

Buffy closed her eyes as Ha Nachash thrust the sword home intending to impale her through the head when the forward motion of his sword was abruptly severed. 

"Me." Was Buffy's reply now as it had been all those years ago when she was in the very same predicament, staring down the same outcome.

Buffy clasped her hands around the blade of her sword stopping it a mere inch from her face and then with a flick of her wrist she sent the hilt of the sword barreling back into Riley's face.

That was satisfying when it was Angelus but it is liberating now!

As Ha Nachash reeled backwards Buffy wrenched the sword away from him. She quickly turned the tables on him and had him in a vulnerable position, sword raised for the killing blow. Ha Nachash looked up into Buffy's face through Riley's eyes and Buffy faltered only for a moment.

"You can't do it. You can't take his life." He laughed. "I knew this would be your downfall. I knew when I reached into this pathetic humans mind that you couldn't take his life. Love weakens you."

"Oh but your wrong. Love strengthens me. I loved Angel and I sent him into hell on the end of my sword. I sacrificed my sister Slayer for the greater good.My feelings for Riley only make me want to put him out of the misery your presence in him creates. I know it must be a shock to both you and Riley but I am the Slayer and I vanquish evil no matter how it is housed. Say goodnight."

With that Buffy raised her sword and took Riley's head clean off of his shoulders.

"Let the evil be released from the innocent. May the demon be vanquished from this plain."

Buffy then spoke a few words in Latin and the sky outside burst into a fiery display of light.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Willow was wrapped up in the warm embrace of Oz, taken back to a time and place when everything was good when the sky exploded in color. The pair jerked apart in surprise and awe.

"I guess that's our cue." Willow whispered.

"Guess so."

In an instant Willow, Tara and Oz had taken their place in the circle they had made on the ground with blessed salts. They all took hands and Willow and Tara began to chant. Giles and Spike stood at the ready as the ritual began.

"Goddess Isa give us your power, show us you glory. Take of mine offering and vanquish the evil that would destroy us on this night." Chanted Tara.

"Goddess Hecate let your essence flow. I am your vessel. I beseech thee to do my bidding tonight to banish the demon back to the realms of hell from whence it came."

Then both girls began to chant in Latin and suddenly both Tara and Willow's eyes went black and a ball of light began to grow in the circle they hand formed. A few more words in Latin and then…

"Isa, Hecate as I will it so shall it be." Shouted Willow and Tara simultaneously.

Their heads leaned back and the ball of light grew and then exploded and the group of them was thrown backwards from the blast.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy sat back and watched as a light permeated the side of the building. The whole place shook as the light began to devour the essence of Ha Nachash. The place began to shake and bits of debris began to tumble down around Buffy as she took off outside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel shook his head and instantly regretted it as his skull began to pound from the blow he had sustained. It took him a moment to realize that the building he was in was quaking unsteadily and awash in brilliant light. Angel dove through a window just as pieces of the roof above him came crashing down.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Xander and the others watched from their posts outside as the light show light up the sky. However when the ground began to quake beneath his feet he shouted a retreat to the others. Xander dove for cover as the building behind him came crumbling to the ground.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The silence that fell in the pre dawn hours was deafening as the Scooby's all gathered their wits about themselves and started searching for their friends amidst the destruction.

Buffy crawled out from beneath the wreckage and debris of the fallen building. She immediately began to search for her friends. She could see Xander and some of the other's in the distance and she headed towards them tears of relief streaming down her face.

They had defeated the evil. They had averted another apocalypse. Once again the Slayer and her motley crew known as her Scooby gang stood undefeated. Buffy only prayed that Riley was the only one sacrificed in the battle.


	13. Chapter 13 - Saying Goodbye

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 013

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 013 – Saying Goodbye

Buffy moved away from the destroyed building and ignored the ripping pain that consumed her. Smoke burned her lungs and dust and debris strung her eyes and blood poured in little rivulets from various cuts and abrasions. It seemed like an eternity had passed before she finally reached Xander's side.

"Xander! Xander can you hear me?"

Xander was sitting on the ground in what Buffy could only imagine to be shock. Tears spilled down his cheeks and Buffy kneeled in front of him taking his face between her hands.

"Xander listen to me. I need you to help me find the others. Xander!"

Buffy shook him trying to get a response from him and when that wasn't working she muttered an apology under her breath and closed her eyes before bringing her open palm down across Xander's cheek.

Thankfully that got a reaction when Xander startled and then looked up into Buffy's face a moment before launching himself into her swollen embrace. Buffy stumbled backwards unable to balance herself and the two friends tumbled to the ground in a graceless heap.

"Oh god Buffy you're okay." He sobbed.

Xander repeated it like a mantra over and over.

"Xander get a hold of yourself or I'll be forced to slap you again." Buffy half joked and was half serious. She knew Xander was bordering on shock and hysteria from the explosion and battle but she needed his help to try and find everyone else.

"Xander we need to find the others."

"Yea right the others."

Buffy and Xander got to their feet and they began looking for the rest of their friends, their family, praying they would find them all alive.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Xander looked around the debris for signs of Anya or Cordelia who were close to him when the explosions went off. He carefully picked through wreckage and foliage calling out to them hoping against hope that they were safe. He desperately wanted to find every one and go home to sleep for a month. 

Pain throbbed intensely in his left shoulder as he tried to move a large piece of siding in hopes that one of the girls had used it for shelter. He burst into tears when he saw Cordelia's hunched form trembling beneath it. 

"Cor?" He spoke gently.

Cordelia opened her eyes and looked up into Xander's face before bursting into tears herself. She was broken and bleeding and grungy as all hell but she was alive. Xander extended his hand out to her and helped her out of her hiding spot and it didn't phase him one bit that when they stood facing one another she ended up in his arms sobbing desperately into his shoulder.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy headed back to where she had left Willow, Tara, Oz, Giles and Spike. She could see bodies on the ground and she made her way over to them as fast as her injuries would allow. When she got close enough she only saw four bodies on the ground. Spike was missing. 

The first person she got to was Giles. She knelt down beside him and placed her fingers against the pulse point in his neck and released the breath she'd been holding when she determined that he was indeed still alive. His heartbeat was strong and he was breathing on his own. It would appear that he had just been knocked out. Buffy should have expected to find him like that since every battle seemed to at some point render the poor man unconscious.

Buffy gently roused him before moving on to Willow. A brief check proved that Willow was breathing and had a strong heartbeat as well. Buffy sighed in relief, as so far she was two for two in the 'alive' department. She smiled when Willow's big eyes stared up at her in response to her gentle prodding. 

"Did…did we…win?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah Wills we did."

Buffy looked behind her to see that Giles was up and he had gone over to check Oz so that left her to check Tara.

Tara had been thrown further away from the group and Buffy glanced back only to see Willow clutching to Oz and Giles watching her concern etched into his face and then something else, something she couldn't read. 

She stepped closer to her and that's when she knew. It took everything in her not to scream or vomit from the unnatural angle of Tara's neck or the congealing puddle of blood that surrounded Tara's head like a morbid halo. Buffy didn't have to check for a pulse to know that Tara's heart had stopped beating. Buffy could see death in the cold unseeing glare of her vacant eyes. She didn't have to check to see if Tara was breathing. The sickening bluish purple tinge to Tara's skin was enough to tell her otherwise but still Buffy leaned down beside her. She took a deep breath and willed her voice to be even as she called out to Giles.

"Giles can you come here a moment."

Giles didn't question it. He didn't ask what was wrong. He didn't do anything but walk solemnly to where Buffy was crouched over Tara's still form. He knew, somehow he just knew that Tara was dead.

"It looks like her neck broke on impact and her skull cracked open from the rock that's beneath her." He observed quietly.

"What are we going to tell Willow?"

The full reality of the situation sunk in and Buffy started to loose it.

"Oh God Giles I can't do it. I can't tell Willow. I can't destroy my best friend like that. I can't I can't I …"

Giles looked down at Buffy. Tears poured down her cheeks and the fear in her eyes at the idea of having to tell her friend that her lover was dead. She couldn't imagine it.

"I'll tell her Buffy."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Xander and Cordelia kept looking through the wreckage. They still needed to find Anya, Dawn and Wesley. It wasn't long before they heard someone whimpering just ahead of them. They found Anya lying with a piece of twisted steel protruding from her side.

"Oh God Ahn." Xander cried.

Cordy and Xander helped Anya to her feet and started to walk towards where he had last seen Buffy when they heard something moving in the bushes behind them. Cordelia supported Anya while Xander went to investigate. He grabbed a hold of a shard of broken wood and crept towards the noise. 

The noise was emanating from a pile of rubble and siding and Xander approached it quietly. He looked back at the girls a moment before slowly reaching out to move the piece of siding away. As his fingers touched the still warm material it suddenly burst away from where it lay only seconds before and something jumped up from beneath it.

"Ahhhh!" Screamed Xander.

"Ahhhh!" Screamed his attacker.

Xander had raised his makeshift stake and was ready to plunge it into the beast when he realized his beast was none other than Wesley. He dropped his arm down and glared at the Brit.

"Damn it Wesley you could have been staked." Xander yelled.

"Oh right like I'm supposed to know that you're not some evil demon wanting to eat me." Wesley yelled back.

The two of them stood glaring at one another until Dawn popped up beside Wesley scarring both Xander and Wesley all over again.

"AHHHHHHH …DAWN DON'T DO THAT!" Both Xander and Wesley screeched simultaneously.

"God you scream like a bunch of little girls." Dawn chastised and then climbed down to where Cordelia and Anya stood waiting.

After a few moments of Xander and Wesley's male posturing the girls gave up and started to head towards the others. Seeing that they were being left behind Xander and Wesley quickly ran after them.

"Wait for us." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Giles walked back towards Willow and she looked up expectantly at him. Tara hadn't gotten up yet, in fact she hadn't really moved. Buffy was too far away for her to try and read her face but there was something about the way she was sitting with her. Willow brought her gaze back up to Giles who was now crouching in front of her. 

"What's wrong with Tara?"

"Willow Tara was thrown quite a distance…"

"Giles how bad is it?"

"The distance she traveled combined with the force of the explos…"

"GILES?"

Giles removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose a minute before looking Willow in the eye.

"I'm afraid that Tara didn't survive. Her neck is broken and it would appear that the back of her skull was cut open on a rock. She lost a lot of blood."

Willow's eyes filled with tears and her face scrunched up with disbelief. She was just vibrating.

"No she…she can't…NO not my Tara."

Willow bolted to her feet and ran over to where Buffy still sat beside Tara's lifeless form. Willow dropped to her knees and reached out for Tara's hand. It was only a moment before she completely dissolved into tears Buffy sobbing beside her repeating I'm sorry over and over. Willow couldn't be sure if she was apologizing to her or Tara. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Giles and Oz sat silent while the two girls grieved for their friend. It wasn't long though before they saw the rest of the crew straggling in their direction. The two men got to their feet and helped Xander and Wesley bring Anya, Dawn and Cordelia to the van. 

Once they had the girls fastened in they went back to where Buffy and Willow still sat. Giles and Wesley stood to the side While Xander leaned down to help Buffy up.

"Come on Buffy we have to get home now."

"But Tara we can't leave Tara." Buffy sobbed.

"We won't leave Tara alone I promise."

Buffy allowed Xander to help her to her feet and guide her to the car. She saw Anya, Dawn and Cordelia inside and she near flew into Dawn's arms sobbing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Willow was hovering over Tara's body, tears still freely flowing down her swollen cheeks. Oz kneeled down beside her and took her hand into his own causing her to look up at him.

"Willow we have to go now."

"No I can't leave her. She'll be all alone and frightened without me."

"Willow we aren't going to leave her."

"Yes you will. You'll leave her out here for the demons to have their way. You never liked her. You're probably happy she's gone." Willow raged

"Willow I am not going to leave you or Tara out here. Giles and Wesley are going to bring her. We can walk right beside them with her if that makes you happy."

Willow looked into Oz's face and nodded letting go of Tara's hand and allowing Oz pull her to her feet. She watched as Giles and Wesley lifted her from the ground and began to carry to the van. Willow got inside and with Oz and they helped to guide Tara's body inside, both Buffy and Willow cradling the girls broken and still bleeding head.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The group headed to the hospital to have the various injuries addressed and Tara was pronounced dead and sent to the morgue. Willow and Anya were kept overnight and the rest of them were bandaged up and sent on their way.

Xander and Oz chose to stay with Willow and Anya and Giles drove the rest of them to the mansion. Giles had agreed to keep Dawn with him overnight to allow Buffy time to deal with the gravity of the day's events. 

Wesley and Cordelia made their way into the mansion first, Buffy slowly trudging up the walk behind them. She hadn't even made it to the front door when Cordelia came out saying Angel wasn't there. Buffy paled slightly and then turned and ran for Spike's crypt. 

It hadn't dawned on her in all the confusion and grief that neither Spike nor Angel had been accounted for. It was assumed by all that come the first rays of sunlight over the horizon the two vampires would seek shelter. 

Buffy ran thru the cemetery gates and vaulted over tombstones before crashing through the front entrance of Spike's lair.

"Angel? Angel?"

Buffy searched the room frantically.

"Bloody hell Slayer. Don't you knock?" Spike fairly snarled.

Buffy stopped and looked at Spike…well actually she more like looked blankly in his general direction. Spike saw the tell tail tracks of the tears that she had already cried and the glistening pools of tears yet to come. Fear and grief radiated off of her like too much perfume.

"Buffy what is it?" Spike asked warily.

Buffy didn't answer but her legs couldn't bear the strain of holding her upright and she began to tumble to the floor. She would have landed in a heap if it weren't for Spike's preternatural speed. He gingerly lowered her to the floor and pleaded with her to tell him what had happened.

"Buffy what's going on? What happened?"

"I can't find him. I can't loose him. I can't bear to loose him too."

"What do you mean him too? Buffy talk to me damn it?"

Spike gave Buffy a good shake and she looked up into his eyes. The first tears slipped over her cheeks as she spoke.

"Oh god Spike she was dead. Tara was dead, there was so much blood and now I can't find him. I can't find Angel. I can't loose him. I won't survive it."

"We'll find him luv. I promise we will." Spike soothed as he pulled Buffy into his embrace.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Buffy finally got it together she and Spike headed back out to the site of the battle and began to sift the rubble looking for Angel.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(After the explosion)

Angel raised his hand to his head. It felt like the explosion had gone off between his ears the ways his head was ringing and pounding. He looked around and assumed that because of the destruction that they had been victorious. He could feel the dawn coming in his blood. He pulled himself out of the wreckage and began running across the field looking for shelter from the coming sun when a ripping pain consumed him.

He cried out in agony as he felt his muscles contract and then atrophy as he careened into the ground. He writhed in agony and almost completely forgot about the sun steadily rising in the sky to the east of him. He tried to pull himself away from the clearing. He summoned every last ounce of strength within him and managed to get only a few feet before he was struck with the pain again.

"BUFFY!!!"

Angel agonized cry echoed through the empty sky receiving no answer before Angel's world went black beneath the blazing early morning sun.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy continued her search for her beloved knowing until she found him she wouldn't rest. She couldn't imagine getting this far only to loose him now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I can't imagine, any greater fear

Then waking up, without you here,

And though the sun, will still shine on,

My whole world, would all be gone,

But not for long,

If I had to run, if I had to crawl

If I had to swim a hundred rivers, 

Just to climb a thousand walls,

Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,

There's no place that far

It wouldn't matter why we're apart,

Lonely minds or two stubborn hearts

Nothing short of God above

Could turn me away from your love

I need you that much

If I had to run, if I had to crawl

If I had to swim a hundred rivers,

Just to climb a thousand walls,

Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,

There's no place that far

If I had to run, if I had to crawl

If I had to swim a hundred rivers,

Just to climb a thousand walls,

Always know that I will find a way, to get to where you are,

There's no place that far

Baby there's no place that far

*by Sara Evans


	14. Chapter 14 - Listening to Fear

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 014

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 014 – Listening to Fear

Buffy frantically searched through the battle site although she was finding it difficult to see through her tears. The sun had long since set again. Spike had diligently stayed by Buffy's side helping her to find his wayward Sire. After a few hours he was beginning to get a little bit worried himself.

Now Spike would be the first one to admit his bone deep hatred for the bloody poof. He had issues that would make a flock of therapists head spin but beyond the hatred and animosity, deeper than the jealousy over Buffy and Dru there was something else. It was the reason Spike wasn't giving up. It was love of family. Angel was blood and that's all there was too it.

Okay there was the fear that if he didn't help find Angel that Buffy, in her hysteria, would finally follow through on her threat to finally stake him…for good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy was still searching when all of the sudden she felt him. It was like her blood was humming and her every nerve was singing and her soul which had been weeping was now crying out in joy. She looked up and in the distance she saw a man step out from behind the decimated building.

She hesitated a moment before she started walking towards the dark figure. With every step the sensation of Angel grew stronger and she went from walking to half skipping to a full out run.

When she was only a few feet away she stopped. She looked at him, tears pouring down her face. He walked towards her, his own tears cascading down his cheeks.

They stood inches away from one another.

"Angel is it really you or am I dreaming?"

"It's really me baby."

Buffy's face scrunched up and she launched herself into Angel's arms sobbing wildly and running her hands over him to be sure he was really there. She nuzzled her head against his chest and she let out a little laugh.

"What is it?" Angel asked.

"My heart is pounding so loudly I can hear it in your chest."

Angel pulled back from her and took hold of her hand. He brought her hand up and placed her open palm above where his heart should be and he waited.

Buffy's palm was all that touched Angel and she stared at him in disbelief as she felt a steady heartbeat pound beneath her fingers. She looked at his chest then up at him. He could read the questions in her eyes.

"What…I don't…how? Is it real?"

"It's real. I'm alive."

"Oh god Angel."

Buffy grabbed a hold of Angel wrapping her arms around his neck and covering his face and neck with little kisses. Buffy was laughing and crying as they tumbled to the ground in celebration. It was a wonderful happy moment and then he asked.

"Is everyone else okay?"

Those four words effectively burst Buffy's happy little bubble. She pulled away from Angel and sat hugging her knees.

"Dawn broke her arm, Anya was pierced with a metal rod, and Xander fractured a few ribs and dislocated his shoulder. Cordelia, Wesley, Willow, Oz and I all have your typical post apocalyptic bruises and abrasions and Giles was knocked out as usual. Spike escaped with little injury, you're fine and Riley and his demon are of the dead."

"What about Tara?"

"Tara?"

"You didn't mention Tara is she okay?"

"Tara uh o-h g-od sh-e…"

"She what?"

Buffy couldn't speak through her tears so she opened the connection to Angel not even thinking it might be altered now that he was human.

'She died. She was thrown so far and her neck broke and her head split open on a rock. There was so much blood oh Angel I couldn't save her.'

_ _

"Oh Buffy, it's not your fault. You couldn't be everywhere at once. We'd all be dead if it weren't for you."

Angel pulled Buffy into his lap and rocked her gently while she mourned for Tara and all those who where affected by her loss.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy walked into the hospital and stopped into Anya's room. Anya was sleeping and Xander was sitting in the chair beside her bed. He looked up and smiled when he heard Buffy come into the room.

"How is she?"

"Doctor's say she's going to be fine, sore but fine."

Xander stood and pulled Buffy into a hug.

"How are you holding up Xander?"

"I'm okay. I could certainly do without another apocalypse any time soon."

"Yeah I think I've filled like the quota for the year."

"How are you doing Buffy? Is Angel okay?"

Xander pulled away from Buffy when she didn't respond. He tried to look her in the eye but she was looking at the dingy hospital parquet flooring.

"Buffy?"

"Angel's good."

She still wasn't looking at Xander. He took his fingers and lifted her gaze to his.

"It's not right Xan."

"What's not?" Buffy could hear the concern and fear in her friend's voice.

"It's not right for me to have such good news when Anya is lying here suffering and Tara is…"

"What news Buffy?"

"Angel he is …he's human."

Xander didn't know what to say but he pulled Buffy back into his arms.

"It's about time something good happened to you Buff. You deserve this after what went down with Riley. Hell you deserve it after all that's happened since you've arrived on the Hellmouth. Don't think you shouldn't have this just because of the rest of us. You hear me?"

"Thank you Xander."

"Hey I'm your friend."

"One of the best."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy slipped into Willow's room. Oz was keeping vigil at her bedside. Willow was awake and they both turned when Buffy poked her head in.

"Hey guys."

"Buffy!" Willow cried and held her arms out to her friend.

Buffy stepped into the room and gave Oz a brief hug before sitting on the bed beside Willow who launched herself into Buffy's embrace. The girls cried into one another as the fiercely clung to the other. They cried for love, loss, and friends. 

It seemed like hours before the two finally pulled away from one another. Willow looked over Buffy and although she looked like she'd been to hell and back and she looked worn beyond her years and the tears she'd cried were evident in the swollen patches beneath her tired eyes there was something about her.

It only took a minute to figure out what the something was.

"How's Angel?"

Buffy almost jumped back off the bed and she paled visibly. Fresh tears appeared in her eyes and she looked terrified. Willow thought something had happened to Angel and she felt her stomach leap into her throat.

"Buffy?"

She reached her hand out to touch Buffy but Buffy recoiled and fell off the end of the bed. She scrambled to her feet and bolted out the door. She made her way down the hall and collapsed on a nearby bench her emotions getting the better of her. She didn't expect Oz to crouch down in front of her. She startled and shrank away from him.

"Buffy what's going on? Did something happen to Angel?"

"Yes."

"Well what is it Buffy? What the hell happened that made you tear out of the room like that? Willow is all worried.'

"Oh god Oz. How can I look Willow in the face after she lost Tara and tell her that Angel is human? I shouldn't have my happy ending when everyone else is hurting the way they are."

"Buffy no one can fault you for Angel becoming human anymore than they can fault you for what happened."

"Yes they can. I'm the slayer, I'm supposed to protect you."

"Buffy we all signed on for this. Tara was hurt after the spell. It was a fluke. Willow doesn't blame you."

Buffy was sobbing heavily and Oz pulled her into his embrace and held her a moment before leading her back to Willow's room. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy checked in with Giles and Dawn and then headed home. She needed to take a few minutes for herself and she desperately needed a hot shower and a change of clothes. She opened the door to her mother's house on Revello drive and she was made her way up to the shower. 

She stood under the hot spray and closed her eyes against the visions of the past few days. She felt like she was coming out of a waking nightmare. Flashes like snapshots clouded her vision. One thing stood out in her mind. Something she didn't think about before, not able to because of the overwhelming events that had transpired. 

Angel had been human before and gave it up. Would he do the same now?

Buffy slumped to the bottom of the tub and sobbed harder than she ever had.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy walked to the mansion and knocked on the front door. She could hear the joyous sounds of a reunion happening inside and she was happy for everyone she truly was and she hated to disrupt their little gathering but she needed to speak with Angel now. 

Wesley opened the door and smiled warmly at Buffy. He stepped back and made a sweeping gesture with his other arm in way of an invite.

"Buffy do join us."

"I need to speak to Angel."

"Well he's inside in the main room."

"Would you fetch him?"

Wesley looked at Buffy oddly a moment.

"You don't want to come in and find him yourself?"

"No I would appreciate if you would tell him I am here."

"All right then."

Wesley disappeared into the mansion and Buffy stood outside hugging herself fighting the urge to both run inside and embrace her friends and run screaming from Sunnydale completely never to return.

She was immersed in thought and didn't hear him come to the doorway. He watched her carefully a moment before stepping outside.

"Buffy?"

She turned to him and wanted desperately to run into his arms. She squeezed her arms tighter around herself.

"Aren't you going to come inside?"

"No. We need to talk."

"And we can't talk inside?"

"No."

Angel just looked at Buffy a minute before closing the door behind him and coming up beside her. When he reached her side Buffy began walking. They walked in silence until they found themselves on the hill overlooking Sunnydale. 

"What's going on Buffy?"

She turned and looked at him standing before her, the setting sun glinting across his face in vibrant shades of yellow and gold and red. It was a sight she never thought she would ever see, well once she remembered the 'day that wasn't' she never thought she'd see it again. Yet here he was a heavenly vision standing against this picture perfect backdrop of a blazing sun setting on the horizon.

She reached her hand out and placed it first on his face, cradling his cheek and reveling in the heat that he provided, _he _provided to her. She then placed her hand against his chest. She closed her eyes and remembered standing at the pier in the sunlight with him her hand like it was now, the soft steady beat of his heart matching her own.

~

I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

And every prayer has been answered

Every dream I've had's come true

Yeah right here in this moment

Is right where I'm meant to be

Here with you here with me

*I Could Not Ask For More – Sara Evans

~

Buffy choked back a sob and with her other hand she wiped furiously at the traitorous tears that threatened to fall. Angel reached his hand out to touch her when she spoke.

"How long?"

Angel almost didn't hear her she spoke so softly but he did and his hand stopped mid air.

"What?"

Buffy brought her gaze to his and asked again.

"I said how long?"

Angel looked confused and Buffy pulled her hand away from him.

"How long what Buffy? I don't understand."

"HOW LONG DAMN IT?" She near screamed. "How long before you decide to give it back? How long before you rip my heart out again. How long before you decide that you can't love me as a human or vampire and leave me to drown in the sea full of fish I don't want whilst spouting speeches about sunlight and children? How long before it ends?"

During her tantrum Buffy had been hitting Angel's chest. Angel allowed her to do it without laying a hand on her but he eventually grabbed a hold of her wrists and she slumped against him and they both collapsed to the ground. Neither one could remain standing under the strain of the emotion that had seized both of them. Angel held Buffy close and the tears fought their way past his stoic refusal to give in to them.

"Buffy I'm not going to give this up. I'm not going to give you up."

Angel made Buffy look at him. He wanted her to see the truth in his eyes.

"I don't believe you."

"I love you Ionúin with everything in me. You are the reason I am here at all. You have been my reason to fight, my reason to live since the moment I saw you standing in the brilliant sunshine on the steps of your high school in LA. You made me want to be someone to be counted. 

I wasn't ready to accept or believe I deserved the gift of humanity before. I thought it was a mistake and I wasn't prepared to let you die because of it. I have been selfish when it comes to you. I should never have allowed what happened between us to ever happen but I was too selfish in my desire for you to walk away. When I gave up our chance for happiness it was because I was too selfish to let what I wanted cost you your life. Now…now I'm too selfish to let anything take you away from me again."

Buffy stood in shock a minute, trying to absorb Angel's shocking confession.

"Do…do you promise?"

"Always."

Buffy threw herself into Angel's arms and the two long lost lovers were finally reunited they way they always should have been. Buffy and Angel rolled around laughing and crying happy tears on the grassy hilltop overlooking Sunnydale for the first time with hope for a bright future not knowing that their friends looked on in the distance.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Angel can I ask you something?"

"Anything?"

"You said something to me before we left for the battle and you said I would have to survive the fight to learn what you'd said."

"Yeah."

"Well the battle is over and I'm here and you're here so spill."

"I said I love you Ionúin, a ghrá mo chroí."

"What does it mean?"

"It means I love you beloved, love of my heart."

"That's beautiful."

"So are you mo ghrá, so are you."


	15. Chapter 15 - Coming Full Circle

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 015

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 015 – Coming Full Circle

Buffy sat with the girls at her mother's house. It had been a couple weeks since the battle and life was starting to come back to normal. Although Wesley, Cordelia and Angel had gone back to LA the trio made trips to Sunnydale every weekend. The girls were sitting around waiting for the guys to show up. They usually did a movie night together one night and then had the other night as an individual date night. 

Popcorn, chips, pizza and an assortment of other goodies were spread out on the table in the living room and all that was needed was the guys and the movies. It wasn't long before a knock at the door summoned their arrival. Dawn got up to answer the door instead of yelling to whomever that the door was unlocked and to come on in cuz in Sunnydale you never know what you might be giving an all access pass to your home.

She opened the door to find Angel, Xander, Oz, Wesley and Spike.

"All ye who are not evil or intend malice to the occupants of this house may enter." She said sweeping her arm in an inviting gesture. 

One by one the guys and chuckle and ruffled her head as they went past her into the house and into the living room. All of them came in except Spike that is. Dawn had to stifle a giggle as she stepped out onto the front porch. She stood staring at him arms crossed.

"I am not bloody well walking into that house under the premise that I'm not evil."

Dawn walked over to Spike and wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered into his ear.

"I still think you're the meanest bad ass around, chip or not."

Spike smirked and gave Dawn a hug.

"Thanks Niblett knew I could count on you."

The pair walked into the house and joined the rest of the Scooby's for a night of greasy eats and bad flicks. Spike couldn't help but smile at the sight. All was right in his world again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy was on the couch curled into Angel's side. She glanced around the room. Xander and Anya were wrapped up in each other on the floor, pure contentment on the faces. In the love seat to the side Willow was curled into Oz and Buffy was glad to see Willow turning to him for comfort since Tara's death. On the other side of the room Wesley and Cordelia were snuggled close and Buffy was happy that they had found each other. Buffy looked at the end of the couch and saw Dawn asleep, her head in Spike's lap and his arm protectively draped over her shoulder.

Buffy poked Angel and he looked over at his Childe. He wasn't overly happy about Spike's presence here or the attachment Dawn seemed to have with him but Buffy seemed okay with it for the moment so he would let it go for her happiness only. Angel felt Buffy snuggle closer to him and he tightened his hold on her. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As the gang was getting up and getting ready to leave Angel asked for everyone's attention.

"Before everyone goes I would like to ask that you be here to witness the single most important moment of my life."

Angel took a hold of Buffy's hands and looked her straight in the eye.

"I was never really breathing, my heart was never really beating 'till you held me in your arms. And every love that didn't last, every second of my past simply disappeared into the dark.

And with that first kiss I felt my life beginning, and the clock just froze and the world stopped spinning. Now the magic of that moment is never ending. You make time stand still and I'm loving every minute.

It's a need that never changes. A passion that is ageless. It consumes me like it did when it was new. You have led me to a place where every day's the same and I'm always falling more in love with you.

(Loving Every Minute by Mark Wills)

Buffy you have been my world, my center since the very second I saw you. I know that we have had to fight and struggle and hurt to get to this moment but I wouldn't trade any second of it if it meant that I wouldn't have you in the end. You are worth a thousand lifetimes in hell.

In this moment surrounded here with our friends and our family nothing would make me happier than if (Angel dropped down on one knee and produced a small box from his pocket) you would do me the honor of becoming my wife."

Buffy's eyes filled with tears and she dropped to her knees in front of Angel. She looked around at the faces of her friends and then back at Angel.

"Yes, oh god yes. Oh I love you Angel."

(Okay insert B/A love theme. It's a must!)

Angel slipped the ring, a beautiful silver claddagh ring with a tiny diamond in the heart, on Buffy's finger, heart pointing in. He then brought Buffy's hand to his mouth and he kissed each finger. He then turned her hand over and kissed her palm, then her wrist. He covered her arm with little butterfly kisses up her arm and down along her collarbone.

He began whispering Gaelic endearments as he nibbled on the supple flesh of her neck up to her ear. He suckled the sensitive flesh behind her ear and then ran his tongue along her jaw to her succulent lips. He traced her lips now swollen with her desire for him. He pulled her bottom lip into his mouth and worried it between his teeth.

Buffy moaned audibly against his mouth and a moment later she felt his tongue running along her teeth trying to gain entry into her sweet mouth. The kiss was deep and passionate. It was though Angel was caressing her very soul and it stirred something so deep it threatened to unhinge the very foundation of Buffy's sanity.

Buffy pulled back away from Angel. She looked around the room and saw that her friends had all left and she smiled sheepishly at him.

"Looks like we know how to clear a room huh?"

Angel just chuckled and pulled Buffy back to him. She allowed him another kiss before she again pulled back from him.

"Angel I have something to ask you."

"Anything." He says as he is trying to divest her of her shirt.

"Could we wait…I mean until we get married."

Angel was quiet a moment.

"I know it's stupid because we've already slept together and everything I just thought it would be you know special. Like a new beginning."

"It's not stupid Buffy and if you want it that way then I can wait. We'll just get married tomorrow." 

Buffy looked at him and he had this total serious look on his face for all of a minute before he broke out laughing. God how Buffy loved that sound and in that moment Buffy vowed to do whatever it took to hear that glorious noise at least once a day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Sorry about yesterday guys. It's not everyday I get a proposal like that."

"Well you're forgiven. I know what yesterday meant to you although I think the others are scarred for life." Willow said.

"Yeah I suppose we can give you a little slack after all you did come bearing donuts."

"Xander!" Willow and Buffy all said at the same time.

Xander ducked as balled up napkins came flying at him from the girls. It was good to be able to be like this again. Xander missed the good ole angst free days of that first year of high school. There were demons and vampires and witches and evil run amuck but they were Buffy and the Scooby's and there wasn't anything that they couldn't handle together.

"So Willow I have to ask you…will you be my maid of honor?"

"WILL I?" Willow squeaked a little too loudly. "Oh Buffy I would be honored."

The girls hugged and laughed and Xander opened his arms for some lovin too but when neither girl hugged him he pouted.

"Hey now is that anyway to treat the groom's best man?"

Both Buffy and Willow looked at Xander like he was speaking German.

"You're Angel's best man?"

"Yep."

"Angel, the one you used to call deadboy and hate with a fiery passion?"

"Yeah. He said he thought it would be appropriate since he knew you would ask Wills and G-Man was going to walk you down the aisle."

Buffy and Willow both looked at each other and then at Xander squealed and then hugged Xander too.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy stood in the bridal shop in LA, Willow and Cordelia helping her to pick out her dress. The sales clerk fussed over them as if it was her own daughter instead of a stranger.

"So tell me about the church my dear, I want a good picture of where the ceremony will be in order to help you pick out the absolute best dress" the clerk asked.

"I'm not getting married in a church." Buffy said.

"Then where are you getting married?"

"On the beach. I am going to marry my beloved on the beach beneath the setting sun."

"Why?"

"Because I want to see the sunlight on his face when I become his wife."

The clerk gave Buffy an odd look and then disappeared into the back to find some dresses for the girls to try on.

"I think a wedding on the beach is perfect Buffy." Said Willow.

"Me too." Said Cordelia.

"Thanks guys. I knew you'd understand."

The girls shopped until they literally dropped getting everything they needed for the upcoming nuptials. Buffy couldn't wait for Angel to see her dress. She knew it wouldn't matter to him if she wore a potato bag, she was beautiful in his eyes regardless but after all they'd had to endure to get here she wanted the picture perfect wedding moment.

Buffy couldn't wait. In two days in the eyes of God and everybody else she would become Angel's wife.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dress of satin white

Beaded veil of lace

Nervous anticipation

Etched upon her face

Walking to her destiny

Eternity awaits

Angels send their blessing

From heavens silver gates

Standing with her beloved

Family gathered round

Pledge her love to him

His heartbeat the only sound

Silver circles exchanged

Fingers become entwined

Symbols of a love given for all time

I am yours she whispers

And forever you are mine

*Untitled by Kari


	16. Chapter 16 - New Beginings

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga Chapter 016

CHOICES – A Buffy/ Angel Saga

Chapter 16 – New Beginings

It was a beautiful day. It was warm and sunny and the sky was ablaze with gold and yellow and red and blue. It was amazing and certainly befitting the wedding of the two greatest warriors the fight has ever seen.

On the beach an archway decorated with flowers had been set up with an altar in front. Flowers and gauzy tissue paper thin material decorated the chairs that had been set in the sand. Torch style candles had been placed around to be lit as the sun set on the ceremony. It was perfect.

Angel stood at the altar with Xander at his side. He was fidgeting, nervous as he looked out at the small group of people gathered for the event. Xander put his hand on the former vampires shoulder.

"Relax Angel, she'll be here."

"But what if she changed her mind? What if she decided that she didn't want this after all?"

"Angel Buffy has wanted this from the moment she realized she was head over heels in love with you. She has gone through hell and high water to get here and I can guarantee that nothing would stop her from getting here. Trust me, she'll be here."

Angel was about to grill Xander further on the subject when the sound of a carriage filled his ears.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy woke up on cloud nine that morning. She was going to marry Angel today. She knew in her heart of hearts that she'd been Angel's wife since the night of her seventeenth birthday when he slipped that ring on her finger. But today, today in front of her friends, her family she was going to share vows with him. In the eyes of god she would become Angel's family for the rest of her life.

"Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married. Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married. Gee I really love you and we're gonna get married. Going to the chapel of love." Buffy sang.

"Buffy come on you're going to be late." Willow called to her.

"Angel has made me wait for this for longer than I wish to count. Let him sweat a little."

Buffy and the girls headed downstairs and climbed into the horse drawn carriage Angel had procured to bring her to the beach. Once they were seated inside Willow turned to Buffy.

"Buffy ever since you came to Sunnydale you have been an inspiration to me. You have shown me that not all people are bad and even the strongest sometimes fall and that love can be the most wonderfully agonizing experience. You have been my hero and my role model and my best friend and I want you to know that I wish you and Angel a lifetime of happiness. I want you to be a hundred and four and still holding hands on the front porch watching the sunset as your great great great grandchildren play in the front yard. I love you Buffy and I want you to have this."

Willow handed Buffy a small black box. Buffy was trying not to cry as she opened it but she lost her battle when she pulled out the charm bracelet that was inside. There was a charm on it that represented each of the Scooby's. Buffy hugged Willow and she tried to carefully wipe away her tears.

"Buffy I know we haven't always been close or even really friends but that never meant that I didn't admire or respect you. The way you go out night after night and face unknown dangers, I never could appreciate it until I did it myself. You are one of a kind and I think Angel is lucky to have found what he did in you. I wish you all the happiness you both deserve."

Buffy embraced Cordelia and she sat back and looked at her friends.

"We have certainly come a long way since high school girls."

"We certainly have" both Cordelia and Willow agreed.

Before they knew it they had arrived at the site on the beach. Cordelia stepped out of the carriage and went ahead to let the priest know that the bride had arrived.

Giles helped Willow step out of the carriage and Xander was waiting for her at the end of the aisle. As the best man he was to escort the maid of honor to the altar. The pianist began playing and Willow and Xander made their way down the aisle leaving Buffy behind with Giles.

While Willow and Xander headed off Giles offered his hand to Buffy. He had the glimmer of unshed tears shining in his eyes.

"Buffy you look wonderful. Just the way a bride should."

"Thank you Giles. You look wonderful too. Very dapper."

"Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

They stood at the end of the path ready for their cue to begin the trek towards Buffy's forever.

"Giles I'm glad you're here to walk with me."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Neither would I Giles, neither would I."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel watched as Willow came down towards him wearing a crimson gown. He almost laughed thinking it would have been Buffy's idea of a joke. Willow looked very pretty though and she stopped before him to give him a kiss on the cheek before stepping aside to wait for Buffy.

The pianist began to play 'Here comes the bride' and everyone turned to watch as Giles led Buffy towards the altar.

Buffy was an absolute vision. She wore a simple gown with a sweetheart neckline and the tiniest sleeves. The satin bodice fit her like a glove then flared out into a full gauzy skirt that came to the ground. Her hair was swept up into a French twist but some strands hung loose framing her face with golden highlights beneath her veil. As she walked she could see her perfectly manicured toenails peeking out from beneath her dress.

They arrived at the altar and Giles stood waiting.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today in the presence of god, family and friend to witness the joining of Buffy Anne Summers and Liam Patrick O'Rourke. Who gives the bride to be wed?"

"I, Rupert Giles, Buffy's Watcher and guardian give Buffy's hand in marriage."

Giles turned to Buffy and lifted her veil tucking it behind her. He took her face between his hands and placed a chaste fatherly kiss softly on Buffy's lips.

"Never have I been prouder of you than I am in this moment. If I ever had children I would wish them to be just like you. I love you Buffy."

"Giles you are the father I haven't had since coming to Sunnydale. It pleases me more than you'll ever know to have you give your blessing to this union. I love you too."

Giles stepped forward with Buffy and placed her hand in Angel's and for a moment he placed his hand atop theirs.

"Take care of her Angel. She is a rare and precious jewel to be revered. Love her like only you can and make her happy. She is absolutely radiant when she smiles."

"I will Giles and thank you for…for everything."

The two men embraced warmly a moment, a true statement of forgiveness and healing.

"Okay someone better be getting this on film because first best man Xander then Giles hugging, this is too much." Buffy chided.

"Be happy, both of you." Giles whispered and then stepped back.

"All right then, I understand that Buffy and Liam have written their own vows. The floor is yours," said the Priest.

"Angel I do swear that I'll always be there. I'd give anything and everything and I will always care. Through weakness and strength and sorrow. For better or worse I will love you with every beat of my heart."

"Buffy 'till my body is dust, 'till my soul is no more I will love you. 'Till the sun starts to cry and the moon turns to rust I will love you. 'Till the storms fill my eyes and we touch the last time I will love you."

"Buffy please place your ring on Liam's left hand ring finger."

"Liam please place your ring on Buffy's left hand ring finger."

"Do you both solemnly vow before god and this congregation that you will love one another for always, that you will support and respect one another and you will put none before your betrothed?"

"I do" Buffy and Angel said together.

"Then if no one holds objection to the joining of this couple…"

A heavy silence fell over the crowd.

"Then by the powers vested in me by god and the state of California I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride."

Angel turned to Buffy tears glistening in both their eyes as he gently cupped her face and brought his mouth down over hers. It wasn't a moment before he slid his hands down her torso and wrapped them round her waist so that he could lift her off the ground. 

Everyone who had been able to hold back their tears to this point were now bawling as they watched the lovers kiss, their own tears running down their cheeks.

Angel put Buffy down and pulled away from her, his hands finding and clasping her own. The priest looked at them and smiled.

"Well then it is my extreme pleasure and humbled honor to present for the first time in public Mr. and Mrs. Liam Patrick O'Rourke. Please join me in welcoming this new family to our community."

Everyone in attendance brought their hands together in thunderous applause and one by one they stood giving the first standing ovation the priest had ever witnessed at a wedding ceremony.

Buffy and Angel made their way down the aisle towards the carriage. There was never a more beautiful sight than that of Buffy and Angel in their wedding attire and bare feet sitting in the old fashioned horse drawn carriage riding down the beach while the sun began to slowly set behind them. 

EPILOGUE 

One Year Later…

** **

Buffy woke up to find Angel's side of the bed empty. She glanced at the clock beside the bed and the red letters boldly told her it was only three o'clock in the morning. Buffy groaned and rubbed her eyes and then swung her legs over the side of the bed. She grabbed her robe off the chair and stepped into her slippers.

She stepped out into the hall and listened for a moment trying to discern where Angel might be. Even though Angel had been human for over a year now he still occasionally had difficulty sleeping at night. Old habits die hard especially when you've had them for the better part of almost three centuries.

She crept down the hall and stopped outside of a door at the end of the hallway. She quietly pushed open the door and peered into the dimly lit room.

Angel was sitting in a chair in the corner and he was talking in hushed tones but not so quietly that her Slayer hearing couldn't make them out.

"Three a.m. on the clock

Lullaby, music box

Oh, baby please don't cry

Let's let mama sleep tonight

You've only been home one day

You don't even know your name

Tiny hand on my cheek

You're a miracle to me

In the still ness of the night

Cradled in this rocking chair

I hold all my hopes and dreams,

Every single answered prayer

In my arms

Wish I could hold you forever

In my arms

I will give you shelter

Still I know I can't always be there

To protect you from this great big old world

But I swear this much is true

There'll always be a place for you...in my arms

As I watch you take each breath

Oh, it scares me to death

To know you're counting on me

To be the daddy that you need

Wounded knees, broken hearts

Learning how to drive a car

When it's time for your first date

Will I know just what to say?

And when you find that one true love

I'll put on my best smile

And I'll try to hide my tears

As I walk you down the aisle

In my arms

Wish I could hold you forever

In my arms

I will give you shelter

Still I know I can't always be there

To protect you from this great big old world

But I swear this much is true

There'll always be a place for you...in my arms

Oh, this promise I will keep

As you finally fall asleep...in my arms"

(Mark Wills)

As Angel stood and walked over to the crib to put his now sleeping newborn daughter inside Buffy crossed the room to his side. She peered down at her littlest angel and she had to wipe away a single tear that crept down her cheek. Angel put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side as he planted a soft kiss to her crown.

"Why are you awake?"

"I missed you?"

"You knew I wasn't there?"

"I've always known when you weren't by my side and when you where."

Angel turned and ushered his wife out of his daughter's room so as not to wake her again. He steered Buffy back into their bedroom and motioned for her to get back into bed but Buffy simply turned and wrapped her arms around Angel's neck.

"Did you ever in your wildest dreams imagine this?"

"No usually my wildest dreams involved disembowelment and evisceration."

Buffy playfully smacked Angel's shoulder and tried to pull away from him but Angel just laughed and pulled her close. He leaned down so that he could whisper in her ear.

"I never thought I would ever see the day that I made you my wife under a setting sun or be able to rock my newborn child that I watched grow inside of you. I never thought I could ever atone enough for the absolute horrors of Angelus, most especially those I…he inflicted upon you and our friends. Each day with you like this is an absolute miracle."

"I love you Angel. I always have."

"I love you too Ionúin. I love you too."

With that Angel lowered his mouth to cover Buffy's as he lowered her to the bed. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Angel's POV

Every time our eyes meet this feeling inside me is almost more than I can take

Baby when you touch me I can feel how much you love me and it just blows me away

I've never been this close to anyone or anything

I can hear your thoughts I can see your dreams

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you it just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do baby I'm amazed by you

The smell of your skin, the taste of your kiss, the way you whisper in the dark

Your hair all around me baby you surround me you touch every place in my heart

Oh it feels like the first time every time

I want to spend the whole night in your eyes

I don't know how you do what you do

I'm so in love with you it just keeps getting better

I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side

Forever and ever

Every little thing that you do baby I'm amazed by you

*Lonestar

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy's POV

I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes

I want to be the touch you need every single night

I want to be your fantasy and be your reality and everything between

I want you to need me like the air you breath

I want you to feel me in everything

I want you to see me in your every dream

The way that I taste you, feel you breathe you, need you

I want you to need me like I need you

I want to be the eyes that look deep into your soul

I want to be the world to you; I just want it all

I want to be your deepest kiss, the answer to your every wish

I want you to need me like the air you breath

I want you to feel me in everything

I want you to see me in your every dream

The way that I taste you, feel you breathe you, need you

I want you to need me like I need you

I'm all you ever need more than you could know

And I need you to never, never let me go

And I need to be deep inside your heart

I just wanna be everywhere you are

I want to be the face you see when you close your eyes

I want to be the touch you need every single night

I want to be your fantasy and be your reality and everything between

*Celine Dion

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Well folks we have come to the end, hope you enjoyed the ride. 


End file.
